αμπέλου

'Cause At Camp Barnabas You Know It's Alright...

2011-06-09T08:28:00.007-05:00

Camp Barnabas

Last Tuesday I left with my youth group, bound for Camp Barnabas in Purdy, Missouri. We left around 1ish, and got there at about 4. We drove in the gate, and were immediately attack by a lot of young adults screaming and jumping around. One (later ended up being one of my leaders) stuck his face on our van window and ran along the road as we drove toward the Silver Lining to check-in. We all thought it was all a little over the top, and we were kinda creeped out. We had never met these people before, and we knew we'd being living and working with them for the next week. Just a little scary.

We checked in, got our t-shirts, and were told that we had 8 minutes to take our stuff to the cabins, then meet at the tennis courts. Shortly after, I found out that my cabin was the absolute farthest one away. Talk about a hike... Somehow, I barely made it to the tennis courts in time. The two leaders up on stage introduced themselves, everyone recited the chants (that I had never heard before), and then they called all the barnstormers (me) up on stage. If this had been later on in the week, I would have been completely comfortable with it. But I was not at the time. Everyone cheered for us. Then we were told to dance. I thought, "Dance? In front of these people?" Oh, yeah. Random dance parties! That soon became routine, and so much fun. We were then lead off the stage, and headed for one of the conference rooms for training.

Here we met our 4 leaders. Bob, Mom, Michael (Russian accent), and Shenequah. Okay, those aren't their real names. They're Hannah, Natalie, Micah, and Matt. I called Hannah Bob, and Natalie Mom, but Micah and Matt were just, well, Micah and Matt.

For the first part of training, we just asked questions. First, questions about the job, then about their personal lives. Pretty crazy, and fun :) Then, they taught us the chants and cheers.

Yo!
What's up? *silence*

Word!
To Big Bird! *no more chants*

Those are the main two we used. The barnstormers didn't tend to do the chants much, we just screamed. A lot. I still don't have much of a voice.

Then they made a fort. Out of what we would be doing dishes with. I love our leaders. They then pretended to do dishes since we weren't allowed upstairs in the dining hall yet, so literally, it was pretending. I'm pretty sure the only confusing part at the time was the Hobart. Yes, the dishwasher has a name. Actually, it's not a dishwasher. That's what we were. It was technically a sanitizer, a huge machine you put crates of dishes through. I'm pretty sure we broke it over a dozen times, in which case we had to open it up, shield our faces from the hot steam pouring out, put silicone pot holders on our hands, figure out was wrong, and fix it without getting burnt, or breaking it more. I had to fix it several times, seeing as people didn't pay attention to some imperative directions the leaders gave us. Thankfully, we only ruined one fork the whole week!

The next day was full of hands on training. We ate breakfast, did the dishes, cleaned bathrooms, learned about serving, then started the process over for lunch. All day long, anytime someone said the phrase, "the campers are coming," we would break out into screaming, jumping, crazy chaos. We were told to, but it was fun! we were so excited for the campers to get there, I don't know how we had voices the next day. As 4:00 came around the corner, the group I was hanging with kept saying, "Hey, who's coming?" "THE CAMPERS ARE COMING!!!," jumping and screaming all over the place. I'm pretty sure people got annoyed, but our leaders sure were proud. It was so much fun!!!

So it's almost 4:00, and we head to the Y (where the road forks between girls' and guys' cabins), and set up for arrival. The CIAs (counselors) waited down the road, and us Barnstormers waited between the two groups of cabins. We screamed and jumped and chanted and laughed, so much. The Barnstormers and CIAs competed on loudness and enthusiasm, and I must say, for having less than half the people, we did pretty darn good!

The first campers drive up, and one of them is a girl! So we ask for the camper's name, run to Mom to get the sticker with the camper's name on, run back to the car, stick the stickers on the luggage, and lug the bags up the hill to the camper's cabin. We then repeated this approximately 75 times in a matter just under 3 hours. In over 100 degree weather, I don't think I've ever sweat so much. One of the bags, about as tall as me, about 2 feet wide, stuffed with stuff, was handed to me. And the sticker said it was one of the farthest girl cabins. I knew I could do it, so I set off. I had the strap on my shoulder, the bag wrapped around my bag, and an end in each hand. I'm almost 100% sure it weighed almost as much as I do. I still have a bruise on my shoulder from carrying it. Then one camper had a trunk about 4 feet long, 2 feet wide, and 2 feet tall. It was heavy, but I figured I could carry it by myself. I got about 15 feet before I had to ask for help. So another girl and I carried it up to the cabin, and set it down, somehow cutting my hands in two places. Both of them will scar, no doubt about it. But, I continued working. Mom didn't have a band aid on her, so there was no point in trying to deal with them. It later started to get infected, but my body seemed to fight it off after a couple of days. My body must have hated me so much. I got hurt so many times... When we played the name game the first day, my name was Accident-prone Ashlie, and no one understood, they were kind of confused. By the end of the week, they understood fully well. :)

So they next day we started to get into the rhythm of eat, clean, serve, clean, serve, eat, clean, eat, serve, clean, wrap-up, clean, and go to bed. I was on bathrooms the first day, and we did pretty well. We got most of the cabins done, though we weren't able to get 4 or 5 done. I was with two boys, Ian and Weston, and we cleaned girls' cabins. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard while cleaning toilets! I had to do half the work, because they weren't man enough to do some of it! But I'm thinking some of the girls didn't realize that guys would be cleaning their bathrooms, because they left a lot of their "personal items" all over the place. It was so gross. Amazingly, I preferred to clean the boys' cabins. Pretty crazy. We had to put the toilet bowl cleaner in the bowls, wipe every surface of the toilet with Lysol wipes, spray/wipe the sinks, counters, driers, showers, handrails, and handles, spray and wipe the mirrors with paper towels, spray the floors and walls with cleaners, wash it down with the shower head, squeegee the floor, and clean the drain. We had to that 4 times a cabin, for 20ish cabins a day. We did it during the campers' breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We also had to clean the dining hall bathrooms twice a day, which was hard because there were constantly people in there. Sometimes we had to tell people they'd have to go to another bathroom, because we would wait for 30 minutes after the meal was over, and there would still be people in there. Girls, girls, girls... They spend too much time in the bathroom for unimportant reasons.

Next day, I was serving. We were given playing cards with our schedule sharpied on the back. I was partnered with the G1 cabin, but on my schedule I didn't serve them. I was scheduled to G8, and the Med Team. Matt (one of the leaders) was confused, but Bob (awesome leader!) said it was just how the schedule worked out. Well, we started setting up for breakfast, and realized someone else was on G8. So I called Mom (leader) over, and she was confused too, and saw there was no one at the overflow table, so she put me there. Then someone was there, too, so she put me at G9. No one was there, so I ended up serving them. They were confused, but I explained it was just a schedule mix-up. I got to know them well enough, and they were pretty nice. One of the campers, Mitzi, introduced herself. A couple minutes later, she called me over by saying, "Ashlie?" She speaks quietly, so I leaned down (she was sitting) and got close to her. She said, "Ashlie? Ashlie, I love you." I was speechless. I just told her I loved her too, hugged her, and went on with my serving. It was amazing. She had met me just a few minutes before, and yet she told me she loved me. These campers were truly little Jesus'. They had such child-like faith as he commanded us to have, and loved anyone and everyone. I can't imagine being like that. Most, if not all, have been treated so badly throughout their lives, and yet they don't judge anyone. They don't hide behind walls, or fear anyone. They just....love. It's amazing.

The next day, I was on dishes. I started out cleaning random stuff, but eventually was put on the sprayer position. I got to know that sprayer well. Other barnstormers would scrub the dishes, I would spray them down, and put them through the Hobart. Billy (the lady in charge of the kitchen - never make her mad, and she'll love you - do, and you're screwed) said we weren't going fast enough, and so she just started putting stuff on trays without scrubbing them, giving them to me to spray, and putting them through the Hobart. So basically, I had to clean everything myself, and really fast. When one of the guy barnstormers tried doing it before me, he failed. Stuff piled up so fast we didn't have room to put any more trays. When I did it, it only got backed up when the putting-stuff-up-people told me to stop putting things through because they couldn't keep up and were running out of room. We got so fast at it, one of our leaders (who has gone there for years) said that it HAD to be a record. Go us! :)

Next day, I served the Med Team. I was warned about them, that they were boring and never got seconds, didn't talk to you, and rarely said thank you, but not when I served them! They loved me. They were kinda boring, but they got seconds, talked to me a little, said thank you a lot (at least some of them), and kept telling me to stop being so nice. It was a pretty cool experience. And there weren't too many of them, so there wasn't too much to clean up. That was definitely nice :)

Next day I had bathrooms, but I ended up doing dishes. I was on the sprayer again! We got our rhythm going, and had fun in the process! We decided to sing the entire time at the top of our lungs, and had so much fun with it! Bob sang Justin Bieber, which was hilarious! We sang Hawk Nelson, Sanctus Real, worship songs, and so much more! We were all exhausted, and therefore laughed so hard. Zoey (a fellow barnstormer, made friend) laughed at absolutely nothing, each time pretty much hyperventilating, which just made us laugh harder. Before breakfast, we had cleaned the giant whisk (about 4 feet tall), and she lifts it up and yells, "FOR BILLY!!!" (like for Narnia), then DJ (friend) yells, "FOR NARNIA!!!," then me, "FOR NARNIA!!!," then Zoey screams at the top of her voice, "FOR NARNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" What we didn't realize is, is that while we were screaming this, the campers were walking in, and when they walk into the dining hall for meals, they do what's called "quiet doors," where they don't talk at all. During that time, we're supposed to try to be quiet so that they aren't encouraged to talk. And we were screaming for Narnia really loudly. We couldn't stop laughing, we felt so bad. It was epic.

That was what we did all week. We hung out with our cabins for less than 2 hours a day, and had 1 hour a day off (OATS). We got up at 6, and went to bed at 11 (well, approximately... You know teens (:)

Two of the mornings, a few of us got up, got ready really quickly, and then went to IP. IP is Inspiration Point. It's on a cliff, there are benches to sit on, or just the ground itself. There's a cross there, with plaques on it with the names of campers who went to Barnabas, and have died sometime since. We went and sat on the edge of the cliff, and read our bibles out loud. We mostly stayed in Psalms the whole time. We couldn't stop laughing at some of the stuff. God has a sense of humor, right? ;) But even with the laughter, it was a really powerful time. It got us prepared for the rest of the day, spiritually and mentally. I learned stuff I never would have noticed before. It also brought me closer to the girls I was with, so that was really nice.

One of the days (I don't know which...they all kind of mixed together) Bob took us to a secret place during OATS. It's a secret, so I can't tell you where, but it was on the river. Long story short, I went exploring barefoot and cut my foot pretty badly in two places. Didn't even know about the bad one until when I went to go put a band aid on the other one, and saw the huge blood stain on my sock from the bad one. Then Bob cleaned the cuts with alcohol, which hurt so much. Luckily, I didn't scream. Though, I did bite my tongue, and my body shook like crazy. Poor Bob had a hard time cleaning the cuts because I was shaking so bad.

I learned so much because of this week at Barnabas. As my youth minister said, "God wrecked my life through Camp Barnabas." My mindset on things is so different now. I'm praying that it stays that way. I don't want to have that "camp high" for a couple weeks, and then fall right back into the rhythm of this world. I want to keep my servant's heart, and live for others because of God. I'm already struggling with it, but I know God's gonna work miracles in my heart. Or maybe not in MY heart, but in others'. I'm not here for me. I'm here for Jesus, who is here for others. He became the least of these, and I served what the world calls the least of these this week. I did it with a smile on my face, so I should be able to do it out here in the real world. I should be able to do it at home. I should love people, no matter what they look like, or what their IQ is, or if they can talk, or if they can walk, or if they can go to the bathroom by themselves, or if they can feed themselves, or if they know what's going on. Jesus loved them. The campers did, too. I did more than I ever have before. I just have got to continue that. I've got to continue to seek out opportunities to serve. I can't get upset when my mom asks me to go get the cat some food. Or when someone makes a mess at church, and I'm left to clean it up. I can't get mad when the kid with autism ruins a serious moment. Or when someone who can't talk well takes forever in the line in front of me. Or when someone who can't walk well is walking slow in front of me, when I'm walking fast, or in a hurry. I can't complain when I don't want to do something, just because I'm lazy. I can't ask why I should do something, I should just do it.

God is good.

To all of the Barnabas people, you know I miss you. You guys worked so hard, I'm so proud of you all. KEEP IN TOUCH!!! I'll see you all next year! Wish it was sooner...

To the Barnstorm leaders, man, I love you guys. Miss you all so dearly. You guys gotta make sure you keep in touch, too. Otherwise, I might forget how awesome you are, and I refuse to do that... So, keep in contact. If you don't, once I get my license, I'll come stalk you. And I'll stalk you on Facebook until then. Yep, pretty much. You know you love me :)

Pictures!!!

This was one of the best parties EVER! It was the camp's last party of the week (not counting the Barnstorm pool party), and boy was it fun! For the first part of it, I was back in the dish pit finishing up dishes, but Mom told me to stop what I was doing and go dance. Oh, course, I my entire front side was wet, so every picture that was taken it looked like I was sweating really bad, and every hug was quite awkward, but hey, it was fun! We danced for so long, it was exhausting! By the end, I couldn't stand. Between the recently re-torn muscle in my knee, the two large cuts on my foot, and the standing constantly for 5 days, I just couldn't take it! I got a piggy back ride from a friend, a cup of water from another friend, and an interesting testimony from another friend. It was really cool :)

I spent A LOT of time here. It's the Wellhouse. AKA, the nurse. Man, I had two late night visits here, and a lot more during the day. Nice building, I must say.

Hahaha, the infamous Billie Poe. Got to love this guy. I never actually met him, or see him doing anything funny, but the stories about him would make the most serious person laugh. He tried to play a joke on me. I didn't understand ;)

The pool! YES! So much fun. I wouldn't have had much fun in it without these guys right here. Man, we had so much fun. The girl in the white is Kenna, another Barnstormer. Then of course, there's Hunter in the yellow. The guy without a shirt on is Joey, Hunter's camper. Man, was he ornery! I really only got to hang out with him in the pool, and during the dance party, but he was pretty darn awesome. We were having a splash fight (probably against the rules...that's us, the good role models!) and I thought he was apologizing for splashing me in the eye when he started to hug me, so I hugged him, and then....he dunked me. He did the same thing to Kenna, apologizing my grabbing her hand, and then splashing her in the face with the other one. Priceless!

The parachute game! So much fun :)

This is where I spent most of my time: the dining hall. I think I swept between the tables literally hundreds of times, washed over a thousand dishes (maybe more...), and ate more than my fair share of delicious food. Truthfully, I miss it. Even though it signifies all the work I had to do. :)

Trent kept complaining that I didn't smile big enough. So, I smile.

Tall Paul!! He was hilarious! And really white... ;)

Colin, and his camper, Grant. He had severe autism, and was quite a hand full. Colin was amazing with him. So proud!

Haha, this dog was amazing. I never learned his name, but he was so cute! He was super duper fat, and was incredibly short. I guess that's the description of most pugs, but ya know :)

Suzanna and Haley! Haha, I love the guy in the background...

Dance party + Ian + Hunter = craziness...

The Barnabunk! Built by the Extreme Home Makeover, it's beautiful. Suzanna got to stay here, since she had a guy camper, so I bet she can vouch for that :)

Daniel! Don't know what he's doing in this picture... But Daniel! Love him :) Gonna miss him as he moves again for the summer...

Hugging! Or, at least, it looks like hugging... And they're possibly singing. Sounds about right.

Kirsten and I walking! I had just bought my Barnabas water bottle, and my Barnabas backpack. We were hurrying to the dining hall, because we were late. We got distracted by Trent (who took the picture), and ended up having to fast walk (pretty much running without bending your knees...because they said no running, and then defined running. Go us for finding a loophole!) to the dining hall. A huge group of guys were late, too, so we didn't feel too bad :)

Camp Barnabas Bound

V1:
All day long with my friends, I LOVE CAMP!
I'd be lost, but the WORD is my lamp,
I run with Jesus 'cause He's the champ,
I'm Camp Barnabas bound, OH, I'm Camp Barnabas bound.

Chorus:
'Cause at Camp Barnabas you know it's all right
It was Jesus' love that gave me my sight.
He took my heart and brought me into the light,
I'm Camp Barnabas bound, OH, I'm Camp Barnabas bound.

V2:
Here at camp, we live in NEW cabins,
Play tennis, canoe, oh what fun we're havin'
Horses, and ropes, and swimmin' and sliding,
I'm Camp Barnabas bound, OH, I'm Camp Barnabas bound

Chorus

Bridge:
You're my family, I wanna be with you,
Let's show the world what Jesus' love can do
1-2-3!

Chorus

2011-01-15T14:58:00.004-06:00

So it's been a long time since I've posted anything on here. I started reading my past posts. I'm a very depressing person. Hah. No, but really. As I look back on the person I've been the past year or so, I'm ashamed. I'd like to think I'm changing. And I think I am. Slowly but surely I'm beginning to let go. The mask that I've been wearing for so long is slowly being taken off, but I'm not the one doing it. God is. I'm letting Him. I'm surrendering all to Him, sometimes multiple times a day.

Why the change? It started with the Bible. Trent's having us listen/read to the bible every day. I committed to it, and after just 2 weeks, it has changed my life. As soon as I started it, I noticed the Devil didn't like this change. He did just about everything to stop me. The computer was hit with a virus, iTunes wouldn't work and then wouldn't reinstall, my family was fighting while I was trying to listen, the computer crashed. And that was only the first day. But I fought it. And now I will do anything just to read it. I'm listening to the Daily Audio Bible, the Daily Audio Proverbs, I'm listening to sermon podcasts, reading the physical bible, reading christian books. I'm working on it.

I know that soon my schedule will slow it all down. I know that I'm going to struggle with this. But I know that God's on my side. I've been talking to Him a lot lately - really talking. No talking to the ceiling, though I know it'll feel like that some days. It's been a constant conversation, and I must say that it is beautiful. It is beautiful to be able to be completely honest with God and say, "God, I'm broken. I'm tired. I'm angry." And for Him to reply. He does, he answers.

1 I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.

4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
7 LORD, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain[c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

8 To you, LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
9 “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, LORD, and be merciful to me;
LORD, be my help.”

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever.
~ Psalm 30

See? David called to God, and He answered.

I have a new favorite Psalm. Psalm 139:23-24. "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." This is a scary Psalm. David asked God to test Him. He asked God to know his heart and his thoughts. He wanted to be completely honest with God, even when he himself didn't know the truth. Would you do that? Honestly, I wouldn't. I'm good with controlling my life, keeping secrets and hiding from God. But that won't get me, or you, anywhere. God knows everything about us, much more than we will ever know. He made us. So we have to make a choice, as David did. To be completely honest with God, even though He already knows. When Adam and Eve hid in the garden, God asked, "Where are you?" Now He didn't ask where they were because He didn't know. He asked because Adam needed to acknowledge where he was at. He needed to acknowledge that he was at rock bottom, that he had sinned. He failed God, and needed to confess that. So do we. God asks us where we are. So where are you? Where do you see yourself right now? Where do others see you? Where does God see you?

I know where I am. I am truly at rock bottom. I know that other people see me in this position. I mean, I haven't exactly hidden it. Just look at my blog, my Facebook, even just my face. God knows where I am, where I've been. But He wasn't about to help me until I told Him where I was. Until I cried out, "Lord. I'm gonna be frank with you. I'm angry. My fist just about went through the wall. I'm depressed. I'm confused. I'm broken. I feel as if I've been abandoned. I'm angry at myself for not being good enough to bring my grades up, or have them up in the first place. I hide behind masks - hyper Ashlie, innocent Ashlie, "I'm good" Ashlie, spiritual Ashlie, mature Ashlie, little kid Ashlie, tough Ashlie, strong Ashlie, invincible Ashlie. Whatever you can think of, that's me. But under those masks I'm just me - broken Ashlie, hurting Ashlie, confused Ashlie, angry Ashlie, sinful Ashlie, spiritually cold Ashlie, lazy Ashlie, hurtful Ashlie, etc. You know all about me. God, I'm sorry. I hope You can forgive me. I don't deserve it, I know. I'm sorry... Help me. Please. Help. I'll let You. You can help me. No more holding on to the past. No more blaming. Take it? Take it and hold me, please. Promise me, and keep that promise. Lord, I've been hurt so many times by broken promises. But I trust You. You're different. You're not like them. You haven't hurt me. You protect me. I'm Your daughter, that's what You're supposed to do. Love me. I need You to love me. God, I'm suffocating. I'm stuck in this never ending cycle of tears. Of depression. Tell me when I'm gonna feel again. I'm so afraid, God. Save me. I give myself to You. I love You. I love You. I love You. I love You. I love You. I love You, Abba. I love You. Love me back."

God's got my back. He's got yours, too. Only if you let Him in, though. We'll work on it together, huh?

I am but one part of the sheepfold
Pushing my way through the tiniest hole
Whining and complaining all the way home
They start to doubt that I have a soul

I say, "I do have one, though broken it may be
Do you not see the hurt that I bleed?"
They cry out their hearts and plead with me,
"Your hurting soul is still worth saving"

Then the wolf showed up for it's needed meal
Wondering how much happiness it could steal
"Don't you see the worthless pity they feel?
They know you can never fully heal

"They'll abandon you, and leave you here
They just pretend it's you they love and care,
Although, what they feed on is fear"
This, the wolf whispered into my ear

I looked at myself, and all I'd done wrong
How through everything, I'd tried to remain strong
But how could I, being so young?
My life so short, my pain so long

I drowned in my pain, never looking up
Thinking, "Shouldn't I be drowning in love?
Or is that promise only kept for some?
Does that mean I'm below, and they're above?"

It's then that I fell to my knees, totally broken
I slowly looked back at my life of sin
I thought about what my life meant
I shouted at the heavens, "Will You just forgive?"

Then a hand on my shoulder turned me around
Out of His mouth came no words nor sound
His eyes said more than he could say aloud
They twinkled, "Come follow me now"

Every part of me wanted to follow Him wherever He go
For He was King, and I a lowly doe
I became so distracted by what he would bestow
I forgot all about my attacking foe

It's then that everything came flooding back in my head
"What if He tricks you and abandons you instead"
My sneaky foe alarmingly said
"What if it's you who has been falsely led?"

As he whispered in my ear, I began to let it in
The barrier I was standing on soon became thin
I started thinking it was only a matter of when
When would I ever let go of my sin?

"Allow Me to take it from you, My daughter
It was for You I went down there
For you, I became a lamb to the slaughter
All you have to do is let Me come near

"Let Me swallow you in My unfailing peace
Then, false happiness you'll never need
I am what you want to willfully seek
I am the Prince of Peace, the King"

I let go of the wolf and ran to the Shepherd
I knew He would let go of me never
For this I definitely knew for sure
He took on all my pain and hurt
~ Me 12/29/10

Perfect by Simple Plan

2010-11-01T22:56:00.002-05:00

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my
time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove
all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough
for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my
hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care
anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough
for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the
things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right
again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

2010-09-09T22:56:00.001-05:00

No Matter What

2010-08-11T15:37:00.000-05:00

I'm running back to your
promises one more time
Lord that's all I can hold on to
I gotta say this has taken me by
surprise
But nothing surprises You
Before a heartache can ever
touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking
why
I keep asking why
No matter what, I'm gonna love
You
No matter what I'm gonna need
You
I know You can find a way to
keep me from the pain
But if not, I'll trust you
No matter what, no matter what
When I'm stuck and there's
nothing else by myself
I'm just sitting in silence
There's no way I can make it
without Your help
I wont even try it
I know You have Your reasons
for everything
So I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling,
God, You are my hope
[ Kerrie Roberts Lyrics are found
on www.songlyrics.com ]
And You will be my strength,
No matter what, I'm gonna love
You
No matter what I'm gonna need
You
I know You can find a way to
keep me from the pain
But if not, I'll trust you
No matter what, no matter what
Anything I don't have You can
give it to me
But it's okay if You don't, I'm not
here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough
on its own
No matter what I still love You
and I'm gonna need You
No matter what I'm gonna love
you
No matter what I'm gonna need
you
I know You can find a way to
keep me from the pain
But if not, I'll trust You
No matter what, no matter what
I know You can find a way to
keep me from the pain
But if not, I'll trust you
No matter what, no matter what
No matter, no matter what

Fighting To Survive

2010-07-12T00:47:00.003-05:00

Right now, I'm laying in Hannah Yeats' bed, in the dark. She's asleep, and I'm not. I'm also on Hunter's iPod. I was listening to Building 429, and a song that I had never heard before came on. I immediately loved it. It's called Fighting To Survive. Here's the lyrics:

Crying on the inside and it cuts me deep
‘Cause I know you’re gonna smile when I fall
I can’t help but feel the fear when I’m standing here
‘Cause I know you’re gonna laugh if I have to crawl

Can you see the desperation?
But you don’t know my situation

‘Cause I, I’m fighting to survive
Can’t you see it in my eyes?
Please don’t push me anymore
But I, I’m still fighting to believe
That there is hope for me
Somewhere beneath the very least of these

And I can’t help but feel ashamed when I know the truth
That there was more than I surmised inside your heart
I want to make it go away but you bear the proof
My words burnt through your skin and left you scarred

I didn’t see the desperation; somehow I didn’t see your situation

Because I’ve been fighting to survive
I didn’t see it in your eyes
But I won’t hurt you anymore
And I, I’m fighting to believe
That there is hope for me
Somewhere beneath the least of these

I don't know why I love it so much, I guess just because I can relate to it so much. So much I started crying.... Just don't tell Hannah. She's been trying to get me to let my tears out in front of her for a long time. :P

Desperate....

2010-06-14T14:33:00.002-05:00

Seek and you will find, they say
but I've been looking everyday
for a way past this wall that's in front of my face.
I'm on hands and knees searching for my faith.

I know there's so much at stake
but I don't know if I can take one more pat on the back saying I'll be okay.
Can't you see me whole life is in disarray?

You've got me desperate.

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign?
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands.

You've got me desperate (do You see me?)
Desperate (do You hear me?)
Desperate (will You help me?)
You've got me desperate.

I know You're my only hope
The only One who truly knows how it feels, what it's like when it all starts to fall
You're the One I can trust who hears when I call.

You've got me desperate.

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign?
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands.

You've got me desperate (do You see me?)
Desperate (do You hear me?)
Desperate (will You help me?)
You've got me desperate.

Some things I'll never figure out
Until I let hope erase my doubt.

You've got me desperate.

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign?
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand,
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands.

You've got me desperate (do You see me?)
Desperate (do You hear me?)
Desperate (will You help me?)
You've got me desperate.

You've got me desperate. (Oh do You see me?)
Desperate (do You hear me?)
Desperate (will You help me?)
You've got me desperate!
~ Fireflight

~~~~~

That song portrays my life right now, right down to the t. I mean, it's pretty self explanatory.

Just think, is this how your life is right now? And more importantly, what are you going to do about it?

Pray about it. C'mon, do it. I am.

Quote on Quote...on Quote.

2010-06-11T16:28:00.001-05:00

What if God arranged things so that we would experience a mild jolt of pain with every sin, or a tickle of pleasure with every act of virtue? Would you obey because you loved God? I don't think so. I think you'd obey simply because you desired pleasure and not pain. ~~ Joni Eareckson Tada

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. It does not enable us to escape evil. It makes us unfit to face evil when it comes. It is the interest you pay on trouble before it comes. ~~ Corrie ten Boom

"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." ~~ Prov. 27:17

Because we cannot see the hand of God in our affairs, we rush to the conclusion that he has lost sight of them and of us. We look at the “seemings” of things instead of at the underlying facts, and declare that, because God is unseen, He must necessarily be absent. And especially is this the case if we are conscious of having ourselves wandered away from him and forgotten him. We judge him by ourselves, and think that he must have also forgotten and forsaken us. We measure his truth by our falseness, and find it hard to believe he can be faithful when we know ourselves to be so unfaithful. ~~ Hannah Whitall Smith

"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again - my Savior and my God!" ~~ Psalms 42:11

"Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future." ~~ Deepak Chopra

Winter is on my head but eternal spring is in my heart. The nearer I approach the end, the plainer I hear around me the immortal symphonies of the world to come. For half a century I have been writing my thoughts in prose and verse; but I feel that I have not said one-thousandth part of what is in me. When I have gone down to the grave I shall have ended my life's work; but another day will begin the next morning. Life closes in the twilight but opens with the dawn. ~~ Victor Hugo

Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you plan to stop peddling. ~~ Claude Pepper

"Never stop doing your best just because one person doesn't give you credit." ~~ Author Unknown

True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice. ~~ Samuel Johnson

Best Of Me by The Letter Black

2010-06-08T16:51:00.000-05:00

Verse 1
If I could find yesterday
I would take You back to where I'm coming from
Cause You can see the way
All these scars have kept me running
And chasing down the past
But I'm not done, I'm turning back

Pre-Chorus
I swear, You're the only reason I keep breathing
I swear, You keep on giving me the reason to keep believing

Chorus
Finally I'm worth it, though I'm not perfect
It still feels right, and I keep on giving
Trying to make a difference, in my life
But I know another way to show
Everything I can be for You
You're all that I'll ever need
I'll give you the Best of Me

Verse 2
If I could read tomorrow's mind
I would know exactly where You're taking me
If I'm going to slip away
Or if I stay and give You all my trust
You will keep me safe
I know You won't let me fade

Pre-Chorus
Chorus

Bridge
Oh, I know I believe it
No, I will be turning around
I want to know You now
Your Love won't let me down, no!

Pre-Chorus

Finally I'm worth it, though I'm not perfect
It still feels right, and I keep on giving
Trying to make a difference, in my life
But I know another way to show
Everything I can be for You
You're all that I'll ever need, Woah oh!

Chorus

Outro
I'll give You the Best of Me!
I swear, You're the only reason I keep breathing
I swear...

Just A Little Longer

2010-06-05T17:18:00.000-05:00

Desolation,
Wide open space,
Between the trees and me,
Emptiness and me,
Confusion and decisions,
Feelings hard to define,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

Coldness seeps
Its way in,
I am falling deeper,
Into what I fear most,
As I reach out,
There is nothing there,
As possible there was something once,
Only to be gone,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

The sun drops,
The last inch of light falls,
The squirrels more likely to be huddled up,
But not me,
Something I never possessed,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

Then the sun has gone,
Darkness spreads its wings over me,
I see nothing so no one sees me,
Feeling of bitterness only,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

An Owl peers down,
With question in her eyes,
She doesn't have a hope,
In helping me,
As she doesn't see my pain,
Spreads her wings,
Passes me by,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

The soft earth,
Seems the only thing holding me up,
Even then I could slip,
And wondering takes me,
To why and how I got here,
Without even knowing it,
Yet no one notices,
As they didn't see before,
So I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

Shimmering in the darkness,
I see two moons,
Reflecting off a stream of thoughts,
Ongoing forever more,
Along a rocky road,
Slowly giving in to finding a way out,
I take the plunge under the river,
Then the wind carries a whisper,
Gently on a breeze,
'Just a little longer.'

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

2010-05-25T18:49:00.000-05:00

There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes

From the places she's wandered

And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?

I'm not who I once was.

And I'm crippled by the fear

That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,

What's been done for you?

Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it

That she's been given new life

But she can't shake the feeling

That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers

And she's rehearsed all the lines

And so she'll try to do better

But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,

But what's been done for you.

This is not about where you've been,

But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,

But what He felt to forgive you,

And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You've been remade

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

Wonderful World by James Morrison

2010-05-17T19:04:00.001-05:00

I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again

I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily
But if I had someone I would do anything
I'd never, never, ever let you feel alone
I won't I won't leave you, on your own

But who am I to dream?
Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me, or maybe just a little letter
Oh, we could start again

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
I can't feel it right now
I got all the right clothes to wear
I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When you're with me

Nothing To HIde by Ruth

2010-05-10T17:38:00.000-05:00

Could I love someone and never be abandoned
Could I love someone and never be empty handed

I want to love you like no one else has
I want to give you what no one else can

Cause its breaking my heart just to see you this way
And you say your alright you say that it's ok

But you've got nothing to hide
Yeah you've got nothing to hide

I gave you my heart and I made up my mind
And I'm longing to love someone
Just to love someone right.

I want to love you like no one else has
I want to give you what no one else can

Cause its breaking my heart just to see you this way
And you say your alright you say that it's ok

New Name - αμπέλου

2010-05-09T07:55:00.003-05:00

So, I changed the name on here (on my blog if you're reading this on facebook). It is now αμπέλου. Which, if you don't know, means vine in Greek. It's on our youth group t shirt, and I really like it. It's based off John 15:5.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

So just thought I'd let you know that. Hope you have a great week, my friend!

Faith, Hope, And Potatoes

2010-05-08T14:13:00.002-05:00

These are some songs that I have listened to over the past day or so. Hope ya like...

Mainstay - These Pages

Go tell the world that there is nothing here to hide
It seems like everyone's been covering their eyes

Words that You didn't say were haunting these pages
Faces You didn't make were all I was seeing
The way that they painted You wasn't a picture
of one in control - and I don't think they know who you are

Build brackets around You so You can come out clean
We tried to give You limits that You didn't need

You can order all this heartbreak
You don't need my permission to move
I wish they would just stop trying to filter You out
We've got nothing to prove

~~~

Seventh Day Slumber - Make Believe

How did I get so far from the promises I made?
Life it seems so dark compared to yesterday
Everything I had the gift that I received
Is slipping through my hands
Now it's only make believe

Chorus:
I'm fading away and I feel like I can't breathe
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/Itjd ]
Tomorrow's gone. How long until I break?
I'm fading away and I'm trapped inside of me
Tomorrow's gone. How long until I break?

All the things I chose that slowly took Your place
Are laughing back at me and I can't make them go away
My life is crashing down, another tragedy
Another broken dream, now it's only make believe

(Chorus)

~~~

Dizmas - Jealousy Hurts

Hold on tight 'cause jealousy hurts
We've come so far but remain the same
We need something new to love with
'Cause our hearts are broken, we don't love like we should

We try, we've tried honey
To take love and make love pretty
The verdict is guilty honey
We all love good intentions

Let's not go back to what we regret
We never learned so I'll take the blame
We need something new to love with
'Cause our hearts are broken, we don't love like we should

We try, we've tried honey
To take love and make love pretty
The verdict is guilty honey
We all love good intentions

We try, we've tried honey
To take love and make love pretty
The verdict is guilty honey
We all love good intentions

We can feel the tension
To get to close too one another, oh, oh, oh
'Cause I've been drinking poison
And honey you've made the same mistake, oh, oh, oh
Hold on tight 'cause jealousy hurts

We try, we've tried honey
To take love and make love pretty
The verdict is guilty honey
We all love good intentions

We try, we've tried honey
To take love and make love pretty
The verdict is guilty honey
We all love good intentions

~~~~~

Storyside:B - Dance To Me

You're the only one I know / You're the only one I'll show
Just how deep my love runs through
I take a leap of faith towards you
I face the whole world
Living fearless / Take me as I am
Know me, this is who I am

You're why I've searched this world/ You're what I've waited for
Stay here won't you please / Dance to me

You've showed me for the first time / Love so perfect, so divine
Show me how, turn me around / touch me now, feeling the sound
I can see you / Flow so freely
Turning, then you look at me and say

CHORUS:
You're why I've searched this world
You're what I'm waiting for
Stay here just for awhile
Stay here just you and I
You're all I'm dreaming of
You waking in my arms
Stay here won't you please
Dance to me

Won't you dance to me?

Take me away!

CHORUS

Stay here won't you please / Dance to me
Won't you dance to me?

~~~

Wavorly - Endless Days

The Light, it hurts
A painful feeling, piercing my soul to the core
Distorted faces
Brightness shows what we truly are
A thin line of emerald green
Stretched tight as a fiddle string
The climb we’re making
The chance I’m taking
On the horizon, what lies ahead?

Endless Day, no further away
Where present day will never end
I will run with no pain in my side
All shadows left behind

For what it’s worth
In a space so different
The gray of home could never compare
Undeserving rescue
Offers me escape from despair
Where light comes from another source
And choice spans such a Great Divorce
Is the balance shifting?
Are my burdens lifting?
Spirit coming to Life

Watching, Waiting
Further up, and further in

~~~

Mainstay - Stars Are Singing

Under open skies I leave the day behind
Wonder in my eyes, the world feels so alive
I just speak Your name and my heart seems to change
God of truth and grace, I can only praise You

And the stars are singing out
the glory of Your wondrous love
Heaven's reaching down
to show me all that You have done for me

Healer of my heart, come burn away the dark
Under soft twilight, I can hear your voice tonight

Your name is higher than the Heavens
Your glory fills a million skies
Your heart is reaching down from heaven
and my soul cries out to You

~~~

Children 18:3 - Search Warrant

I thought I told you not to run down on the one way track
There's a man with a train and he's coming fast
We could ask him how to turn it around
He'll weep for your life and then run you down

Don't ask me why, It's hard to explain
But you'll only get wet if you play in the rain

I'm not trying to run from you
I just don't like the way we're pretending
If this already becomes untrue
I'm searching

And then they brought me to a mountain of the highest peaks
there's a heavenly view but it's hard to reach
It's an island high above the ground
I climbed halfway but I turned around

Don't ask me why, it's hard to explain
But you'll never get wet staying out of the rain

I'm not trying to run from you
I just don't like the way we're pretending
If this already becomes untrue
I'm searching

~~~

A Dream Too Late - Can I Start A New

I feel your eyes stare into mine
Burning through just who I am
I wish I could make things right again

I know this road takes me from you
But I can't seem to slow this down
I see myself but you're all around

I cannot run from you
You've caught my every move
I just want you to know
I'm burning down this wall
Can I start new?

It feels like now I'm drowning out
Into the rain and all the noise
Even the streets can hear your voice

I'm running out, can't catch my breath
My lungs are thin and caving in
I want this, I need you now

I cannot run from you
You've caught my every move
I just want you to know
I'm burning down this wall
Can I start new?

I cannot run from you
You've caught my every move
I just want you to know

I cannot run from you
You've caught my every move
I just want you to know
I'm burning down this wall
Can I start new? Can I start new?

I'm running to you now

~~~

James Morrison - One Last Chance

In my life I don't mean much to anyone
I've lost my way can't go back anymore
Once I had everything now it's gone
Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before

Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try

I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never and I try to remember who I used to be
I've got one more chance to get myself together

The time has come for me to change again
I can't carry on like this, I will lose my friends - don't say that you have given up on me
Just give me the time and speace to heal my head

I don't wanna be misunderstood
I've got to take this chance and make it into something good

~~~

Mainstay - Where Your Heart Belongs

You lost yourself in finding out
The wonders of the world
Will let you down
You gave yourself to those who never
Cared about your soul
They only cared for their own
Seems everyone has left you

You're not alone
I hear you call
And I've been waiting here for you
Through it all
You're not alone
Come to the cross
Let me show you where your heart belongs
You're not alone

You went down the darkest roads
And I know just how it feels to lose your home
But don't give up on everything
When everyone has given up on you
And it feels like everyone has left you

You're not alone
I hear you call
I've been waiting here for you
Through it all
You're not alone
Come to the cross
Let me show you where your heart belongs
You're not alone

I will never leave you
Come back to open hands
To the only love you need

You're not alone
I hear you call
And I've been waiting here for you
Through it all
You're not alone
Come to the cross
Let me show you where your heart belongs
You're not alone
You're not alone
You're not alone

~~~

Building 429 - Majesty

Lord You are, the light of my heart
Grander than the greatest stars
You are that I might be alive for thee
Lord You came, and breathed anew
A gift of life that will not cease
I am that You might be glorified
And I open my eyes to see
I’m asking You Lord reveal to me

Your majesty is captivating all of me
I stand before the one who makes my heart adore
Your majesty beyond what mortal souls could dream
We stand amazed breathless as we’ve come to face
Your majesty

Lord I come to this place
To bring honor to Your name
I stand just to sing of Your great fame
So I open my heart to You
Cause there’s nothing else that I can do

When Your majesty is captivating all of me
I stand before the one who makes my heart adore
Your majesty beyond what mortal souls could dream
We stand amazed breathless as we’ve come to face

So shine down over your children
Reach out and touch us again
So shine down over your children
Reach out and touch me again

I stand before the one who makes my heart adore
When Your majesty is captivating all of me
I stand before the one who makes my heart adore
Your majesty beyond what mortal souls could dream
We stand amazed breathless as we’ve come to face
Your majesty

~~~

By The Tree - Your Beloved

Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

[instrumental]

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

~~~

The Beautiful Republic - For The Life Of Me

Was I worth the pain?
You had nothing left to gain
I know I'm the only one to blame
I'm broken on the floor
Staring at the door
Waiting on a Savior to walk in

For the life of me, why'd You bear my chains?
For the life of me, why'd You walk to Calvary?
For the life of me, I can't explain
The reason You died and the reason You came was for the life of me

What do You see in me?
I'm a leper, not a king
A mess that’s undeserving of Your name
I've disappointed You
Like a rose that never blooms
Failing to display my heart to You

Lord, let me be so bright
I escape every shadow using Your light
Are You waiting to see
That I will show
Your life in me?

~~~

Starfield - Reign In Us

You thought of us before the world began to breathe
And you knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we'd fall away from you
And how desperately we need to be redeemed

Lord Jesus come lead us
We're desperate for your touch

[Chorus:]
Oh Great and Mighty One, with one desire we come
That you would reign, that you would reign in us
We're offering up our lives, a living sacrifice
That you would reign, that you would reign in us

Spirit of the Living God fall fresh again
Come search our hearts and purify our lives
We need your perfect love
We need your discipline
We're lost unless you guide us with your light

Lord Jesus come lead us
We're desperate for your touch

[Chorus]

We cry out
For your love to refine us cry out
For your love to define us cry out
For your mercy to keep us blameless until you return

[Chorus 2x]

You would reign in us

[Bridge:]
So reign, please reign in us
Come purify our hearts we need your touch
Come cleanse us like a flood and send us out
So the world may know you reign, you reign in us

~~~

Stellar Kart - Angels In Chorus

I’ve lived in silence
Held on to you like
You were my
Private piece of truth
But everything’s changing
‘cause I can’t contain
When there’s a whole world
Waiting to hear your name

[chorus]
Angels in chorus
Join in my song
You are my glorius,
You are my God

Grace is contagious
When it gets out
Tears fall as my voice changes
Into a crowd
Together now hallelujah, hallelujah

These Things Take Time by Sanctus Real

2010-05-06T19:35:00.001-05:00

I wanna know why pain makes me stronger
I wanna know why good men die
Why am I so afraid of the dark
But I stray from the light

I wanna know why You gave me eyes
When faith is how I see
And tell me is it easier to doubt
Or harder to believe

Oh theres so many questions stirring in me

And I wonder why
Sometimes the truth aint easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But Im learning that
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

How could success make us feel like failures
And the harder we fall, the harder we try
The more I have, the more I need
Just to feel like Im getting by

Oh, theres so many questions and one short life

And we spend so much time
Chasing our tails, hoping to find
Every last answer
To everything in life
So many questions
Not enough time

Hey!
We all wanna understand why
Evil lives and good men die
These things take time
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

Tobymac - Get Back Up

2010-05-02T15:17:00.002-05:00

Tobymac - Get Back Up
From the album Tonight

You turned away when I looked you in the eye,
And hesitated when I asked if you were alright,
Seems like you're fighting for your life,
But why? oh why?
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta no where,
And theres always scars
When you fall that far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,
Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up, get up,
You gonna shine again,
Never too late to get back up again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever
[May be knocked down but not out forever]

You rolled out at the dawning of the day
Heart racin' as you made you little get away,
It feels like you've been runnin' all your life
But, why? Oh why?

So you've pulled away from the love that wou'd've been there,
You start believin' that your situation's unfair

But there's always scars,
When you fall that far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
Never too late to get back up again,
One day, you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down but not out forever,
Lose our way, we get back up again,
So get up, get up
You gonna shine again
It's never too late, to get back up again
You may be knocked down, but not out forever,
May be knocked down, but not out forever!

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin

Lose our way,
We get back up,
It's never too late
You may be knocked down but not out forever!

Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up get up
You gonna shine again
Never too late to get back up again
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,

This is love [lose our way] callin' love callin'
To the broken
This is love [never too late] callin'
[may be knocked down but not out forever]
This is love [lose our way] callin' love callin' [we get back up again]
To the broken
This is love [never too late] callin'
[may be knocked down but not out forever]

This is love callin' love callin'
Out to the broken,
This is love callin'....

Alive Again

2010-04-27T17:41:00.001-05:00

sigh

2010-04-25T14:33:00.002-05:00

This weekend has been a tough one. I can't believe the Advance is over and I'm back home now.. I don't even know how to write down what I'm feeling. So many emotions are running through my veins right now.

Last night/this morning when we were saying "goodbye" to the seniors, I tried not to cry. Ha. It didn't work.

The first senior I talked to when they were sitting in the circle was David Winter. I told about the time he insulted Hannah so we beat him up and sat on him. Then the time we fit at least 15 people on top of him, and Helen didn't even realize he was under us til way after she took a picture of us. I'm gonna miss David a lot. He said the same to me, and it made me start to cry. Til he called me a little girl. Then I gave him the LOD. :)

Next was Ali. I didn't have much to say to her, since really the only thing I remember about her was seeing her at church as I grew up. I always thought she was cool. Turns out I was right :)

Next was Hannah Tay. Gosh, I love her. I haven't gotten much of an opportunity to get to know her, but what little I have, has been enough. She is amazing. At the ski trip she took time away from the skiing to sit with me inside the lodge. It really made my week a lot better. Not to mention it was what really started our friendship. I hope to continue that.

Next was David McCoy. I talked about how I remember all the roofs we did together. Especially one, where all the teen guys couldn't keep up with me, and I had to help them catch up. We had a good laugh about that one. :)

Next was Tay. I nicknamed her Samwise Gamgee from LOTR because Sam is loyal to Frodo. He never leaves his side eveen when he decides to follow Gollum. Even after Frodo got mad at him and yelled at him to leave, he eventually came back. He loved Frodo. And nothing was going to change that. "I got you Mr. Frodo." "I may not be able to carry it, but I can carry you." Tay is the same way to me. She is my big sister. Or, one of them. But she's so important to me. When we had our private talk she said things to me that made me weep on her shoulder. She sat there and told me that I loved God more than anyone she knew (except for maybe Bobby, she said a few seconds later). She said more, but it was a private talk ;) Anyways, I love her to death. I kept on thinking "I want a Tay hug. I need a Tay hug." all night long. God has worked in her life so much. It's crazy. I know she'll do good in the world. :)

Last was Hannah Y., AKA Big Sis. I call her big sis, and she calls me little sis. I wrote her a letter that took up over half a notebook, because I knew I wouldn't be able to say everything at the actual senior thing. She's helped me through so much. We've been through more together than most people do in a lifetime. We've gone through the ups and downs. And she's never left my side. She can say the smallest thing, and it will affect me in the biggest way. She has that God-given ability to just make you smile and laugh, even when you are having a serious ccrying moment. I love her SO much.... It kills me that she's going.

Even as I'm writing this, I can't help but cry. This morning/last night I had such a hard time crying. Only every once and a while would the tears break through. I've gotten so used to holdding them in, that even when I feel like crying, or weeping, I can't. But I did cry last night. I would have been a fool to not to. Three of my best friends are leaving. Then I only have two years with my other best friends. And I've already had to go through best friends leaving. It's hard. I hate it. I wish everyone would just stay in Tulsa.

When I had my talk with Tay, I was weeping. I just couldn't help it. She started to cry hard too, which made me cry even harder, which probably didn't help her crying. I would kill for a hug from her right now. It's gonna be really really hard when she leaves and I won't see her three times a week. Same with Hannah too.

I think I've written enough for today. But I just pray that we can get through this. I pray that I live up to what's been said about me. I pray I become closer to God. I've pushed Him away lately. I'm ready for Him to come back. Or more, me come back to Him. He hasn't moved this entire time. I can only push Him away as far as my arm can reach. He's waiting for me. And He's waiting for you too.

Abba, I don't have the words to explain how I feel right now. Please show me that everything's okay. Show me. Please, Dear Lord. I need You. I know I've been pushing you away. I don't know how I could be so stupid. Will You please receive me? Will You hold me close? Oh, Author of the moment, will you tell me - do I end up happy? Please Lord. I am down on my knees begging You now. Be my peace in this storm. Grow something out of my trials that will bless and honor You. I love You, Daddy. Hold me in Your lap as a father does his daughter, and allow me to weep into Your mighty shoulder. Let Your will be done.
It's in Jesus' name I pray,
Amen.

I Know The Feeling by The Classic Crime

2010-04-21T16:37:00.001-05:00

I know it cuts you inside every time that you try
To take a pathway in life that leaves you so unobliged
Every promise is lies, every smile makes you cry
Leaves you so unalive, so unalive I wish I could take the fall
Maybe by that I could solve
The problems we're all having
It's been a while since you've felt like you've been home
Your life's just flesh and bone

Your heart is worth more than you know
The one thing that hurts more than your life
Is to wake up one more time alone
It's to wake up one more time alive

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love

This time it's all that I've got
Words hit the page like gunshots
My stomach's left in a knot
My pride is left here to rot
It's been a while since I've felt this restless
By definition it's depressing but I'm alright
It kills to wake up one more time alone
It kills to wake up one more time alive

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love

I know the feeling of being all alone
So let's drink to fact that we're not
I know the feeling of being all alone
So let's drink to fact that we're not

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love

The Human Longing

2010-04-17T18:46:00.002-05:00

Standing alone, gazing nowhere,
I found again that vacant space
A deep-felt longing filled my heart,
I yearned to find God's grace.

Just as a husband longs for his wife
A mother to nurse her child
I looked to find God's grace in me
His love so pure and mild.

Like April dew upon the grass
My tears fell moist and warm
I longed to find within my heart
A sense that I was born.

But God was not so easily found
That morning when I was lost
I thought he'd gone and left me
And I could only count the cost.

How foolish that my human mind
Could only see this empty void
How foolish that my human mind
With inconsequential notions toyed.

And as I looked and cried "My God"
"Come now to me I pray"
The God of love smiled down and said
"I'm with you all the way".

"My child, I know your longing,
I know your hearts desire
Why must you try to walk the way
That only comes with fire?"

I turned and saw that heavenly face
My searching ceased to be
Once more upon the steady road
I knew God's company.

For when I thought that God was gone
I knew the richness of despair
But the heavenly Grace of God
Was forever truly there.

Our God knows all about us
How we stumble along our human way
Yet His arms enfold us tightly
As He meets our longing, day by day.

A Future That Would Shatter My Past

2010-04-16T16:29:00.002-05:00

This is something I wrote awhile back, and am just now posting. I just haven't gotten around to it. It's not my greatest, but I find hope in it that is very hard to find in days of hard times. Hope you enjoy....

As I walk through my past, I am overcome by the dichotomy of my life. I am grieved, yet joyful for a second chance. The last few steps I take are cumbersome. Finally, I approach the present. I fall down before the King’s Son and weep at His feet. He looks at me with a look of love. “Stand up, My child.”

I am shocked by the peace in His voice. “No, for I am too ashamed and worthless to take in Your mighty gaze. My Prince, I cannot bear the grief I have so wrongfully caused You and Your Father.” There is a moment of dreaded silence as I take in what I had just said. He doesn’t reply, so I continue, “I cannot repay the massive debt I owe You. I am but a mere worm, and am not worthy to stand before You Lord!”

As I finish He kneels before me, and hugs me as if we’ve known each other forever. He whispers into my ear, “You are right, and yet so very wrong, my daughter. You cannot repay your debt, but you can be forgiven. I bring such forgiveness. I offer it to you, as I see your broken heart, torn into a million pieces by the very ones who killed Me. But am I not alive? Am I not kneeling to you right now, my precious child? Look upon Me, and accept My forgiveness, for I am Lord of the future, not of the past. The future is gone, daughter. Leave it, and follow Me.”

Through tears I look up and take in the powerful gaze of the Prince, the Prince of Peace. I could see in His expression that He could see a future that would shatter my past. Then I would truly be a daughter of the King. The prince looked me in the eyes and said, “Let go. Let go of your past, your hurts, your memories. And look only to Mine. I died for you. And let me tell you, it was not an easy death, nor life. Yield to Me, and I make you a true daughter and warrior of the King.”

His eyes showed a fire that burned with compassion, not condemnation. It is because of that that I let go. I accept the forgiveness of my Lord kneeling before me, and embrace the hope of the King’s Son around my shoulders.. I had one last thing to say, “My Prince, my heart aches to serve You, but I am weak and have lost my skill with Your word, Your sword. I have been away from it for far too long.” He smiles and says, “I do not need your skill with the sword, my daughter. I need only your heart, which you have already freely given.”

I find peace in His words - true, lasting peace. My search for something more was over, and I already sensed the beginning of a new quest.

“What shall I do?”
“Be still, daughter….Be still.”

I Am The Way by Mark Schultz

2010-04-03T15:44:00.000-05:00

You've got a secret no one knows
Locked away where no one goes
Deep inside your heart
It's tearing you apart

You hide the pain in all you do
But still the shackles binding you
Are heavier than stone
But you are not alone

PRE-CHORUS:
When you're down
Look around
And you'll see... I am with you

Look to me
And you'll see
I will be... there to guide you

Take my hand
And I can
Lead you on... for you know that

CHORUS:
I am the answer
I am the way
I am the promise
I have called your name

So you want a brand new start
Asking Me into your heart
Down on bended knee
For the world to see

And the chains around your heart
Fall away and break apart
Suddenly you see
The truth has set you free

PRE-CHORUS

CHORUS

Surrounded by darkness you stumbled along
Knowing the road that you traveled was long
But I'm here beside you...yes, here all along
The one that will carry you on...

PRE-CHORUS

CHORUS

Oh when you are down
You think no ones around
But I'll be with you both night and day

I know the good times
I'll see you through bad times
Oh you know that I'm here to stay

CHORUS

When you're down
Look around
And you'll see I am with you

Homesick

2010-04-03T15:29:00.003-05:00

Homesick by MercyMe

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

2010-03-30T20:46:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been learning the guitar. I know less than 3 songs. I know Monster by Skillet, the intro to Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day, and almost all of Perfect by Simple Plan.

Perfect by Simple Plan has been my special project the past couple of days. This song is so close to my heart, I cry almost eveerytime I play/sing it. Here are the lyrics:

"Perfect"

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright'

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

2010-03-30T20:32:00.002-05:00

In the post before this one, I posted some song lyrics. I heard this song on Air1, and just the first verse made me start crying. Lately life has been a living nightmare for me. I don't like it, of course. Just last week, I sat down and talked to someone about it for the first time. Before, I would just text people. But this time I had a face to face conversation with someone. Then we hugged for at least half an hour. During this hug, my legs started shaking uncontrollably. I felt like falling to my knees. But Hannah held me up. She didn't let go. Thankfully, because I probably would have fainted. The next day, I realized that I was really weak. By that afternoon I could barely stand. I went outside during singing at Workshop, to cool off, and after 6 or 7 minutes, Tay came out to check on me. She asked me what was wrong. I told her the truth, "I don't know." She asked if it was a physical sickness, or a physical sickness caused by emotional stress. I just shrugged my shoulders. I had never thought of that before. When we went back inside, I stood while singing. After awhile I started to get really lightheaded, so I sat down. Afterwards, Tay asked me how I was feeling. I told her, and she said she truely thought it was because of emotional stressed. She called the group that was standing nearby (Bobby, Melissa, Hannah Y, Cori, Hunter, etc) and told them to come over. They came, and asked what was up. Tay asked if we could pray, and they agreed. They all gathered around me and prayed.

Now, I'm still weak, but can stand and walk for some distance. This is good. I can keep down some food, compared to none. I hadn't really eaten in 5 days till yesterday. I couldn't keep any of it down.

Now, God is good, is He not? I have a hard time believing this, through all of the speedbumps. But I have to. Because without Him, I am nothing. Now I am told from the world, even some that I deeply care about, that I am not just unworthy, but worthless. Unworthy and worthless are two totally different things. Unworthy means yes, I havee no worth. But God fills in that worthiness. His grace is sufficient. But worthless. Just the mere word gives me the chills. It means that we have no worth. And nothing can change that. It means that even God Himself can't do anything with us. And we can't do anything for Him. But that is WRONG. We are not worthless. I am not worthless. I am not worthless. I am not worthless. You are not worthless. Say it. I don't know about you, but it helps. Sometimes. But it's a temperary solution to a permanent problem. God is the Way. The One and ONLY Way. So pray to Him. Pray to Him, just as I am about to.

Dear God,

Speak loudly to me and reveal all limiting
images in my mind. Replace them with
pictures that glorify you and accurately
represent my full potential. Upgrade my
opinion of myself and my vision for the
future so I never feel the need to protect
and preserve the past. Show me how to
be a faithful steward of my one and only
opportunity to magnify the greatness you
have placed within me and to show your
presence in my life. Lead me away from
complacency and any temptation to settle
for less than what you know is my absolute
best.

How awesome it is that you know
everything about me and love me anyway!
As I accept and experience your grace and
mercy, help me to grasp the depth and
perfection of your love as demonstrated
by the sacrifi ce of your only Son. Restore
me this day, and make me whole and
complete.

I have been told I am a sinner and unworthy because I am human.
For, as a human being, I make mistakes.
I cannot dispute that I make mistakes, God.
It seems, sometimes, like my entire life is trial and error.
The worst part is, sometimes, I make a mistake over again
Because I did not learn from it the first time.
It is easy to judge myself and withhold love when I look at my life.

After all, God, am I smart enough?
Successful enough?
Loving enough?
Rich enough?
Thin enough?
Can I ever be?

More importantly
Have I given anything to the world that it really needed?
Or have I concentrated on what I saw as my shortcomings
Instead of concentrating on my talents?
I know how to criticize myself, Lord.
I have been very good at it.

But I am realizing it keeps me feeling small.
And that keeps me from contributing the beauty in my soul.
So teach me how to accept and love myself as I am.
For, although I am grown, it is my nature
—my human nature—
to keep trying things, as a child tries.
As a child falls, I have fallen.
That does not make me bad in Your eyes.
It makes me brave.

For I am resilient, and I never give up trying new things.
Which is how You created me. You created me as a seeker.
You gave me courage to fall and stand up again.
You gave me curiosity that wants to know and see and experience.
So, like a child, sometimes I get in trouble.

Or, sometimes, what I do winds up not feeling so good.
Guide me, Lord, so that I explore and savor life in safety.
Help me know I am worthy
—infinitely worthy—
Of Your protection and love.
Just as my infant child is worthy of my love when she falls,
So am I worthy of my own love as I explore life.
Fill me with love for myself.
Transform me with new appreciation.

May these words resonate throughout my body, mind and spirit.
Align me with my highest good as I say them.

I am worthy of tender care.
I am worthy of a life I love.
I am worthy of loving friends and family.
I am worthy of wonderful work.
I am worthy of peaceful thoughts.
I am worthy of a peaceful world.
I am worthy of a healthy body.

I deserve happiness.
I deserve Your guidance and protection.
I am entirely worthy.
And the miracle is, when I accept all this good as my Divine Right
Then I serve You better.

I serve You at the highest level.
I serve You in joy, in gratitude and in freedom.
I serve You with no agenda other than loving You and All That Is.
So I accept my worthiness now and I am made anew.
I live in Your heart, bathed in Your love for me.
Because, since You cherish me, I can do no less.
Thank You, Divine Friend, Companion, Creator.
You bless my life with such meaning.
My life is my prayer to You

In Jesus’ name,
Amen

As Long As It Takes - Dorothy Savage

2010-03-30T19:56:00.003-05:00

I know You've heard it before
That I'm standing in the rain
And I can't take much more of this.
I know there is purpose in the pain,
I know there will be a brighter day,
But I can't take much more of this.
If there is redemption from this mess
I need You to show me.

I'm gonna stay here in this place, as long as it takes.
I want You to hear me say, oh Lord have Your way.
Even if You take me through pain to make me more like You,
I'll stay, I'll stay, as long as it takes.

Same old question I keep asking:
Should I give up? And then I remember my destiny:
I am an alien here in an unkind world
And I'm getting ready for eternity.
You are my refuge from the storm,
You are enough for me.

I'm gonna stay here in this place, as long as it takes.
I want You to hear me say, oh Lord have Your way.
Even if You take me through pain to make me more like You,
I'll stay, I'll stay, as long as it takes.

Even though my tears keep falling, I know it's in this place that You'll change me.
I know You want to rearrange me.
Oh God I need Your strength to stay.
I'm gonna stay here in this place, as long as it takes.
I want You to hear me say, oh Lord have Your way.
Even if You take me through pain to make me more like You,
I'll stay, I'll stay, as long as it takes.

Pull Me Out by Bebo Norman

2010-03-22T18:26:00.002-05:00

Tell me now, when does this start feeling
Like I understand everything I’m dealing with
First I was young, now it’s all just happening
And what about the way I said that
Made you turn around and shake your head
Like I don’t even know what I’m asking for

This could be all about just letting go
This could be all about just holding on
I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
Can you reach me here and pull me out
Can you pull me out, yeah
I wanna scream but there’s no sound
I wanna fly to you somehow
Can you reach me here and pull me out
Can you pull me out

Remember when I was young and hungry,
I could take it in, without much money,
I had nothing at all but dreams and time to kill
And now I feel like I’m treading water
And I’m hardly real - I’m just trying harder
To make my way on the earth by standing still

Not a moment too soon You will be my rescue
But tell me how long will it take?
I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
Can you reach me here and pull me out
Can you pull me out
I can’t get my feet off of the ground
I wanna run but I don’t know how
Can you reach me here and pull me out
Can you pull me out, yeah
I wanna scream but there’s no sound
I wanna fly to you somehow
Can you reach me here and pull me out
Can you pull me outCan you pull me out?
can you reach down and pull me out?

Holding On, Or Letting Go?

2010-03-21T17:48:00.002-05:00

Before I start, let me tell you of what I'm talking about. About 8 or 9 months ago, some dear friends of mine moved 10 hours away, across the US. But they weren't just friends, but yet, they were family. They were family in my heart. I considered one practically my father, another my mother, and the children my brother and sister. I know most that read this know who I'm talking about.... if you don't, don't be afraid to ask. It is my fear of crying that is keeping me from writing out their names.

If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.-
Albert Einstein

When this family lived here in Tulsa, my faith was built on them. And when they left, I held onto my faith for a while, but as struggles grew larger and larger, my faith grew smaller and smaller. It shrunk til barely knew it was there. Today, I still don't know if it's there. I like to think it is, but lying to myself would just make it worse.

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey."- Stephen Covey

When I read this, I look at it for comfort. I know that this life is just a temperary road, and look forward to the spiritual journey in heaven.

What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity?Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficulty, and every difficulty has an opportunity.
-J. Sidlow Baxter

This is self-explainatory.

Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands.
- Elisabeth Elliot

My peace dwelled in an outward thing. Or moreover, a person. I'll say his name. I'm already crying, so why not. Bobby. My peace, my strength, my faith, my security. It was all on him. I was baptized into his name, not God's. Yes, I had faith. But only because I had Bobby there to help me when times got rough. And after he left, my life went downhill....

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying. .."I will try again tomorrow."
- Unknown

I just like that qoute, I don't know what to say about it....

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.
- Pericles

Bobby left behind an amazingly strong youth group. For months we have done really well. Even me, for months I was at peace with Bobby leaving. I knew it was God's will, and that Bobby was a man of faith for following His will.

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

*sigh* This one hurts. It's hard for me to not look mournfully on the past, whether it be about Bobby or other hardships in my life. But at the end of the day, this is not a battle between flesh and blood. I will defeat the devil, or more God through me. Together we will. The devil better watch out. I will meet him without fear, and I will destroy him without remorse.

"Your walk with God does not depend on people, places, things or events."

My walk with God doesn't depend on Bobby, him leaving, or how far away he lives. It depends on me, and only me. God doesn't change, it says so in James. So it depends on ME. Not Bobby. I try so hard to believe that..... pray that I do.

Have courage for the great sorrows in life, and patience for the small ones. And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks, go to sleep in peace, God is awake.
- Victor Hugo

This week I will try my hardest to sleep in peace. However, it will be difficult, since Bobby and his family are coming for Workshop. To tell you the truth, I don't know if I want to see them. I'll explain later.

When Satan reminds us of our past, we should remind him of his future.
- Author Unknown

"Satan, Bobby leaving hurt, and you know that. You have plotted it against me. But God the Father wins above all. I humble myself before the Lord, and I promise you, you will flee. You won't be able to flee fast enough, for my God is coming for me, to take me with Him. He's also coming for you, but I wouldn't be at peace with that statement."

Earlier I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to see Bobby and his family orr not. This is because of a reaccuring dream I'm been having a lot lately. It scares me. Most won't understand why, but I know quite a few who will.

This is my dream:

It's a Wednesday night. We're in the lodge listening to Trent speak. No one knew of it, but Bobby walked in the room. We didn't know he was coming, and didn't notice him till he was well in the room. I run to him, embrace him, crying. He pushes me off, and looks at me in disgust. This breaks my heart. I run to the kitchen, and sit on the couch. I cry, holding my head in my hands. Someone comes in after me, and asks me if I'm alright. "No, I'm not alright! I've always wondered what I'd do when he came back. And I chose to run and embrace him. And he pushed me away. That crushed me...."

I now realize that that is the devil attacking me in my dreams. He knows that this is a big fear of mine, and is playing into it. People that I have shared this dream with have been completely shocked, because this is not something Bobby would do. Not at all. But I fear it nonetheless....

"God, you have made big promises to me. I don't see all these promises coming true right now, but I decide right now to let your words and not my fears depict my picture of the future. Please help me believe and see, ahead of time, an image of my life as you intend it to be. I can't control my fears, but I can replace them with an imagination filled with images that you create. God, superimpose faith over the fears that cripple me. Remind me now of your promises: provision, forgiveness, healing, rescue, your endless love! Thank you for a new future and a new hope. I am not a victim of fear, thanks to your great and precious promises, promises you ALWAYS keep!"

You Will Face The Same Evil, And You Will Defeat It

2010-03-20T16:55:00.003-05:00

Aragorn: The same blood flows in my veins. The same weakness.

Arwen: Your time will come. You will face the same evil, and you will defeat it.

~ LOTR

The same blood of Adam & Eve flows through our veins. But Arwen's response is an encouraging one. There are many examples of this same response in the bible, and I'll name a few....

Eph 6:10-18

Read verses 10-18, and linger on the metaphors, their meanings, and their chance of changing your life if you let them.

James 4:7-10

That's one of my favorite passages in the bible. I've never known why. Maybe God knows I need it and/or will need it later on in life, so He told my heart that I love it. Maybe, maybe not. Only He knows, not I, nor you.

~~~

That's only a few (or two) passages, as I'm pressed for time, but I shall be back. If you have any more passages, then tell me! I can think of a few more, but am interested in yout response!

" Dear God, as I begin this day, let me turn my thoughts to you and ask Your help in guiding me in everything I say and do.

Give me the patience that I need to keep my piece of mind, and with life's cares, I hope, dear God, some happiness to find.

Let me live but for today, not worrying what's ahead, for I have trust that You will see I get my "Daily Bread".

Give me the courage to face life's trials and not from troubles run, let me keep this thought in mind, "Thy will, not
mine, be done."

And if some wish I do not get though I have prayed to Thee, help me to believe and understand You know what's best for me.

I've failed You many times, I know, but when tonight I rest, I hope that I can kneel and say 'Dear God, I've tried my best.'"

Whispers Of Unbelief

2010-02-12T12:43:00.003-06:00

This was sent to me by a very dear friend and sister, Hannah Yeats. The first time I read it, I just skimmed through it, not really caring. I decided to read it again, and actually read it. I encourage you to read it. Read it, don't just go through it.

“Maybe more than anything, it’s unbelief that trips us and keeps us from dancing. It whispers into our soul like a quiet disease and leaves us spirally crippled and paralyzed. You obviously believe in God, but do you believe that He will rescue you when you call? Do you believe that He could never turn His back on you? Do you believe that He has amazing plans and purpose for your life? He is God. If you haven’t fallen back into His arms, you don’t know the joy of being caught and carried. You haven’t seen what He can do with the burdens of your life because you haven’t been close enough to allow Him. Maybe you resist Him and struggle with the whispers of unbelief because you just don’t know Him and you haven’t begun to see how powerful He really is. If we can ever get the hang of life as God intended, then it becomes an adventure to be lived instead of an unknown to be feared. Mark 9:23-24 the father of the possessed boy. They’ve tried everything. Essentially Jesus is their last hope. Jesus says to the father, “Everything is possible for him who believes.” Immediately the father responds saying, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” He had just leaned into Jesus, believing and unbelieving, and watched God show up in glory. Voice your anxiety and then believe anyway. Believing anyway is the avenue by which we get to see the glory of God. Believing does not always arise out of peace and calm. Sometimes we will be anxious or hesitant, and yet the call is to obedience. The father of the possessed son was hesitant and weak, and yet he leaned into a trust beyond what he could have imagined. Believing is choosing obedience and responding out of trust, even when we cannot see. It would be momentous for you to finally believe. Everything would change. What if you began to live as if you believed God’s words—all of them? What if you just went for it—staked it all on Jesus, leaned in, gave Him the load you’ve been carrying, and fell down on top of it? Traded what you feel for the truth of His words? Do you have anything to lose? Nothing. And to gain? The rest of your life dancing in the arms of God. Lean hard on your decision to believe in Him. Put your full weight down. Lie there in His presence and wait for Him to carry you. The love of God is like an authoritative shout—the final word—that comes to hush the whispers and squelch the rumors. Will you say again today, I believe. Oh, God, help my unbelief! Let the truth of God’s love be the exclamation that silences the muttering in your head.”

An excerpt from the book ~Do You Think I’m Beautiful?
Chapter 4: Whispers of Unbelief
Author: Angela Thomas

Here's a poem type thing that I sent to Hannah before right before she sent the above excerpt to me:

I hear whispers
They say my name
It's hard to tell which one to follow
They all seem right
And yet they all seem wrong
Which one is Yours?
I know I need to follow it
But I don't even know if I hear you
The other whispers turn into yelling
I can't hear Your voice
I try
And try
And try
And.....nothing.
Theirs are too loud
Help me
I don't want to live anymore
They tell me to end my life
Please tell me otherwise
Please Lord!
Shout among the heavens!
Reach into my heart
Show me Yourself
Your ways
Your life
I sit in darkness
And long for daybreak
Hold me through the night
Hold me in Your arms.

~~ Written by me 2/11/10

Make It So I Don't Cry When I Lose

2010-02-06T16:30:00.002-06:00

A story I wrote:

My son Gilbert was eight years old and had been in Cub Scouts only a short time. During one of his meetings he was handed a sheet of paper, a block of wood and four tires and told to return home and give all to"dad."

That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do. Dad was not receptive to doing things with his son. But Gilbert tried. Dad read the paper and scoffed at the idea of making a pine wood derby car with his young,eager son. The block of wood remained untouched as the weeks passed.

Finally, mom stepped in to see if I could figure this all out. The project began. Having no carpentry skills, I decided it would be best if I simply read the directions and let Gilbert do the work. And he did. I read aloud the measurements, the rules of what we could do and what we couldn't do. Within days his block of wood was turning into a pinewood derby car.A little lopsided, but looking great (at least through the eyes of mom).

Gilbert had not seen any of the other kids cars and was feeling pretty proud of his "Blue Lightning," the pride that comes with knowing you did something on your own.
Then the big night came. With his blue pinewood derby in his hand and pride in his heart we headed to the big race. Once there my little one's pride turned to humility. Gilbert's car was obviously the only car made entirely on his own. All the other cars were a father-son partnership, with cool paint jobs and sleek body styles made for speed.

A few of the boys giggled as they looked at Gilbert's, lopsided, wobbly, unattractive vehicle. To add to the humility Gilbert was the only boy without a man at his side. A couple of the boys who were from single parent homes at least had an uncle or grandfather by their side, Gilbert had "mom."

As the race began it was done in elimination fashion. You kept racing as long as you were the winner. One by one the cars raced down the finely sanded ramp. Finally it was between Gilbert and the sleekest, fastest looking car there. As the last race was about to begin, my wide eyed, shy eight year old ask if they could stop the race for a minute, because he wanted to pray.

The race stopped.

Gilbert hit his knees clutching his funny looking block of wood between his hands. With a wrinkled brow he set to converse with his Father. He prayed in earnest for a very long minute and a half. Then he stood, smile on his face and announced, 'Okay, I am ready."

As the crowd cheered, a boy named Tommy stood with his father as their car sped down the ramp. Gilbert stood with his Father within his heart and watched his block of wood wobble down the ramp with surprisingly great speed and rushed over the finish line a fraction of a second before Tommy's car.

Gilbert leaped into the air with a loud "Thank you" as the crowd roared in approval. The Scout Master came up to Gilbert with microphone in hand and asked the obvious question, "So you prayed to win, huh,Gilbert?" To which my young son answered, "Oh, no sir. That wouldn't be fair to ask God to help you beat someone else. I just asked Him to make it so I don't cry when I lose."

Children seem to have a wisdom far beyond us. Gilbert didn't ask God to win the race, he didn't ask God to fix the out come, Gilbert asked God to give him strength in the outcome. When Gilbert first saw the other cars he didn't cry out to God, "No fair, they had a fathers help." No, he went to his Father for strength. Perhaps we spend too much of our prayer time asking God to rig the race, to make us number one, or too much time asking God to remove us from the struggle, when we should be seeking God's strength to get through the struggle. "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippines 4:13

Gilbert's simple prayer spoke volumes to those present that night. He never doubted that God would indeed answer his request. He didn't pray to win, thus hurt someone else, he prayed that God supply the grace to lose with dignity. Gilbert, by his stopping the race to speak to his Father also showed the crowd that he wasn't there without a "dad," but His Father was most definitely there with him. Yes, Gilbert walked away a winner that night, with his Father at his side

Stillness Of The Night

2010-02-06T16:29:00.000-06:00

In the stillness of the night
As I lay in bed and try to sleep
I remember how I blew the fight
And all Your commands I didn't keep

I tried, O God, I tried
To strengthen my soul against the dark
I felt so confident that I would abide...
But when temptation came, I had missed Your mark

But then as I slept that night
You came to me in a dream
You said to me, "Try as you may, try as you might,
You will fail, despite what it may seem,

It is not your job to see you through,
It is not your job to feel strong
I just want one thing for you to do:
Give Me what you tried to do all along"

So that morning as I awoke
And I knew my sleep was worth its while
For as I remembered the words that You spoke
I gave to You my temptions and my trials

I finally admited I was too weak
To face the day without making a mistake
So to You I lay my life so meek
And I asked You that me You would not forsake

Day by day you guide me on
And my strength I get from You alone
All my battles have been won
For in Your strength I have been sewn

It's In The Valleys I Grow

2010-02-06T16:27:00.001-06:00

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor."
"The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything."
"If your problem is bigger than your GOD, then you are serving the wrong god."

"Remember... knees that bend don't shake! " -- Dr. P. L. Williams

What Faith Can Do

2010-01-08T17:38:00.003-06:00

One of my favorite songs is What Faith Can Do by Kutless. The lyrics are amazing. I had heard the sing before, but never realy listened to it. My friend and sister Amber showed my the lyrics once when I was having a hard time. Its been close to my heart ever since. Here are the lyrics:

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than just what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You do have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

2009-12-20T17:44:00.000-06:00

Lord Jesus, I sit here this morning with a heart that is breaking, knowing that many of your people are in pain and are struggling this day. I know I am not alone in my own personal struggles. I am finding a very real center of your peace falling around me, and I pray that same peace for my struggling brothers and sisters.. I know that pain and struggle are a part of this fallen world in which we live. I know that until the day of Your return there will continue to be pain. But I also know that in the midst of that pain and suffering, I see the extended hands of my Savior reaching our from His heavenly dwelling place, calling to me, and to all who struggle. You have such bright piercing eyes and Your compassionate heart for our struggles beats loudly. You are reminding me that everywhere all around me there is evidence of Your Presence -- and in that I can take hope. To be aware of Your presence at this moment is so important in my life. To know that in all things, I can turn to You, and trust You for whatever the circumstances that face me.You are faithful to those who call You by name and You are gentle and compassionate. Your Word is filled to the brim with hope, and Your great Kingdom that is to come, a shining light on the horizon, that helps me focus on You and Your needs -- instead of my own.My prayer is for anyone who is at this very moment struggling with things beyond their own control. My prayer is a cry to my King asking for His arms of protection to fall on each one of them. Whatever their struggle this day, Lord, I pray You will reveal Your purposes in that struggle, and I ask You to comfort and sustain the weak ones who are the most susceptible to the snares of Satan -- especially at such a time as this.I acknowledge in this moment that many times we do not understand the path upon which we walk. Many times we only have enough energy to fall to our knees and acknowledge our weakness. Yet through it all You are with us -- through it all You gently whisper Your truths into our ears. How grateful I am -- especially in this time of struggle -- that You are who You say You are, and You do what You say You do. How blessed I am to serve a God who cherishes His children and provides for all of their needs!My greatest desire is to serve You and Your people, and my heart of worship for you sustains me -- especially in this season of struggle. There is no better way to live than in Your service. Give us all the wisdom we need to discern the counterfeits that are in place everywhere, and grant us Your loving and compassionate heart to all we meet so we can be true witnesses of Your truths.In this moment and at this time -- Your truths sustain me. I fall to my knees acknowledging my weakness, and then, seeing Your strength, You reach out from above to touch Your hand to mine. May all I do this day bring You honor and glory!

Minty Grape

2009-12-20T17:05:00.004-06:00

Today, during communion, I realized something. As always, I had stolen a piece of gum from some innocent bystander (this time Hannah Y). It was mint. When it came time to take the communion, I took the bread, making sure not to mix it with my gum. That's all I was thinking of. Then when the "wine" came, I knew what was coming. I even told Hailey, who was sitting next to me, that it wasn't going to taste very good. I was right. I even texted in my Facebook status saying "Minty grape :P". Then I had an "ah ha" moment.

The mint is everything that we think helps, and feels good, but isn't of God. And Jesus' blood (the wine) is everything that does help, and sometimes doesn't feel good.

When we just have the communion, it tastes fine. It even tastes good in my opinion. I mean, it's grape juice! I look forward to having that little drink. And it leaves me feeling closer to God, and understanding more about Him everytime.

And when we have gum alone, it's pretty good. I would say I definitely look forward to gum. But it only lasts for a while. It doesn't last but a few hours, then the taste (and goodness) fades away. Then it gets a soggy & yucky.

And when you have them together, believe me its gross. Don't try it.

So it is with us. When we rely on God, and Him only, not only does it start out strong, but it continues, and continues, forever. The joy & hope He gives us tastes great! And we look forward to it.

But when we try to rely on ourselves, and things of this world, we seem to hold on for a while. But then we fall apart. It doesn't last. It starts out good becuase if it didn't, then you wouldn't continue to do it, and then the devil would lose you. He doesn't want that.

And when we try to do both, it just simply falls apart. You say you believe, and you try to believe, but then you turn around and try and rely in something other than the Lord. It doesn't work from the beginning. God says to trust in Him with all your heart (Proverbs 3:5 emphasis added).

Lately I've been chewing gum & taking the communion. But I can't do both. Today I've decided to trust in my God, and only in Him. I hope you choose the same too.

Here's a long prayer, but it's often a prayer I struggle with.

Sweet Jesus, here I am this bright new morning, trembling a bit as I approach this time of prayer and devotion. Never really knowing what wonders await, I am always in awe at the opportunities You provide Your kids to speak with you. Jesus, one more time I hear Your reminder that it is not about me. One more time I recognize Your call reminding me that this encounter today is for Your glory and for Your purposes -- many of which I will not understand. I choose to spend this time with You my King simply grateful that I have been given enough understanding of my spiritual nature to recognize how needy I am for the Presence of my Lord and Savior. You are here with me at this very moment and because I am listening, You will use this prayer for Your purposes. The wonder of it all is that You are at the very center of it all.To be allowed to serve at Your pleasure, for Your purposes in this time, is a profound joy. To have been spared to serve You today, fills my heart with wonder as I anticipate what lies ahead of all of us as we come together to journey in faith towards the destination of Your choice. Why me? Why not me? My answer -- it's not about me -- it's about You and it's about Your plans and Your purposes. I will be forever grateful for the freedom, hope, and joy this truth has brought to my life. I look upwards into the Face of my Lord and as I do, I am reminded of the eagle. I often find myself praying the scripture “. . .those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." As I think on this truth my spirit begins to soar. I recognize the lack of fear that exists in an eagle as he faces storms of every type throughout most of his life, yet never falters. I recognize he just adjusts his flight to flow with the storm, knowing in the end he will be safely brought home. I love watching birds fly, but especially an eagle that soars higher and faster -- never limited by the circumstances surrounding his flight. Like all of us, Jesus, we need the same ability to soar in the face of storms. We need to be sensitive to those around us, and we need to be able to adjust to the circumstances we are facing. Obstacles are always going to be with us, but I praise and thank you that over the years, I have come to understand the importance of embracing struggles, focusing on the purposes You have shown me, and laying down all of the other garbage that tries to confuse and derail me. My prayer today is one of thanksgiving for the ability You give each one of us to overcome. You have given us all gifts and talents to sustain us. You teach us every day to trust You -- to recognize that life is a journey filled with gates to open and trails to be cleared. I thank You also that You are teaching me about patience -- which I acknowledge is not my strength. Somehow I know that perseverance, patience, and thanksgiving are the winning combination for my day today. I thank You that I can now embrace with joy and thanksgiving the discipline and focus it takes to get me to a place of peace and joy. Help all who pray this prayer to soar on eagle's wings today. Bring them safely back to the haven of rest You have prepared for them, where they can recognize as they end their day, that their life counted for something -- counted for Jesus and for His cry for His people. I love You, Lord my God.

It's in Jesus' name,
Amen

That Third Tree

2009-11-12T17:35:00.002-06:00

Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: "I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I'll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!"

The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on it's way to the ocean. "I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I'll be the strongest ship in the world!"

The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. "I don't want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they'll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world."

Years passed. The rain came, the sun shone, and the little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, "This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his ax, the first tree fell. "Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!" The first tree said.

The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, "This tree is strong. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his ax, the second tree fell. "Now I shall sail mighty waters!" thought the second tree. "I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!"

The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. "Any kind of tree will do for me," he muttered. With a swoop of his ax, the third tree fell.

The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter's shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feedbox for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, nor with treasure. She was coated with saw dust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals.

The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead the once strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river. Instead she was taken to a little lake.

The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. "What happened?" The once tall tree wondered. "All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God..."

Many, many days and night passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feedbox. "I wish I could make a cradle for him." her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and the sturdy wood. "This manger is beautiful." she said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake. Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through with the wind and the rain. The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said, "Peace." The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly the second tree knew she was carrying the king of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hands to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong.

And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

The next time you feel down because you didn't get what you want, sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of something better to give you.

"With My Blood"

2009-11-12T17:30:00.001-06:00

"Why was my burden so heavy?" I slammed the bedroom door and leaned against it. Is there no rest from this life? I wondered.I stumbled to my bed and dropped onto it, pressing my pillow around my ears to shut out the noise of my existence. "Oh God," I cried, "let me sleep. Let me sleep forever and never wake up!" With a deep sob I tried to will myself into oblivion, then welcomed the blackness that came over me.

Light surrounded me as I regained consciousness. I focused on its source: The figure of a man standing before a cross. "My child," the person asked, "why did you want to come to Me before I am ready to call you?" "Lord, I'm sorry. It's just that... I can't go on. You see how hard it is for me. Look at this awful burden on my back. I simply can't carry it anymore." "But haven't I told you to cast all of your burdens upon Me, because I care for you? My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." "I knew You would say that. But why does mine have to be so heavy?" "My child, everyone in the world has a burden. Perhaps you would like to try a different one?" "I can do that?" He pointed to several burdens lying at His feet. "You may try any of these."

All of them seemed to be of equal size. But each was labeled with a name. "There's Joan's," I said. Joan was married to a wealthy businessman. She lived in a sprawling estate and dressed her three daughters in the prettiest designer clothes. Sometimes she drove me to church in her Cadillac when my car was broken. "Let me try that one." How difficult could her burden be? I thought.

The Lord removed my burden and placed Joan's on my shoulders. I sank my knees beneath its weight. "Take it off!" I said. ""What makes it so heavy?" "Look inside." I untied the straps and opened the top. Inside was a figure of her Mother-in-law, and when I lifted it out, it began to speak. "Joan, you'll never be good enough for my son," it began. "He never should have married you. You're a terrible mother to my grandchildren..."

I quickly placed the figure back in the pack and withdrew another. It was Donna, Joan's youngest daughter. Her head was bandaged from the surgery that had failed to resolve her epilepsy. A third figure was Joan's brother. Addicted to drugs, he had been convicted of killing a police officer. "I see why her burden is so heavy, Lord. But she's always smiling and helping others. I didn't realize...."

"Would you like to try another?" He asked quietly. I tested several. Paula's felt heavy: She was raising four small boys without a father. Debra's did too: A childhood of sexual abuse and a marriage of emotional abuse. When I Came to Ruth's burden, I didn't even try. I knew that inside I would find arthritis, old age, a demanding full-time job, and a beloved husband in a nursing home.

"They're all too heavy, Lord" I said. ""Give back my own." As I lifted the familiar load once again, It seemed much lighter than the others. "Lets look inside" He said. I turned away, holding it close. "That's not a good idea," I said. "Why?" "There's a lot of junk in there." "Let Me see." The gentle thunder of His voice compelled me. I opened my burden. He pulled out a brick. "Tell me about this one."

"Lord, You know. It's money. I know we don't suffer like people in some countries or even the homeless here in America. But we have no insurance, and when the kids get sick, we can't always take them to the doctor. They've never been to a dentist. And I'm tired of dressing them in hand-me-downs."

"My child, I will supply all of your needs... and your children's. I've given them healthy bodies. I will teach them that expensive clothing doesn't make a person valuable in My sight." Then He lifted out the figure of a small boy. "And this?" He asked. "Andrew..." I hung my head, ashamed to call my son a burden. "But, Lord, he's hyperactive. He's not quiet like the other two. He makes me so tired. He's always getting hurt, and someone is bound to think I abuse him. I yell at him all the time. Someday I may really hurt him...."

"My child," He said, "If you trust Me, I will renew your strength, if you allow Me to fill you with My Spirit, I will give you patience." Then He took some pebbles from my burden. "Yes, Lord," I said with a sigh. "Those are small. But they're important. I hate my hair. It's thin, and I can't make it look nice. I can't afford to go to the beauty shop. I'm overweight and can't stay on a diet. I hate all my clothes. I hate the way I look!" "My child, people look at your outward appearance, but I look at your heart. By My Spirit you can gain self-control to lose weight. But your beauty should not come from outward appearance. Instead, it should come from your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in My sight."

My burden now seemed lighter than before. "I guess I can handle it now" I said. "There is more," He said. "Hand Me that last brick." "Oh, You don't have to take that. I can handle it." "My child, give it to Me." Again His voice compelled me.

He reached out His hand, and for the first time I saw the ugly wound. "But, Lord, this brick is so awful, so nasty, so.....Lord! What happened to Your hands? They're so scarred!" No longer focused on my burden, I looked for the first time into His face. In His brow were ragged scars-as though someone had pressed thorns into His flesh. "Lord," I whispered. "What happened to You?" His loving eyes reached into my soul. "My child, you know. Hand Me the brick. It belongs to Me. I bought it." "How?" "With My blood." "But why, Lord?" "Because I have loved you with an everlasting love. Give it to Me."

I placed the filthy brick into His wounded palm. It contained all the dirt and evil of my life: my pride, my selfishness, the depression that constantly tormented me. He turned to the cross and hurled my brick into the pool of blood at its base. It hardly made a ripple. "Now, My child, you need to go back. I will be with you always. When you are troubled, call to Me and I will help you and show you things you cannot imagine now." "Yes, Lord, I will call on You."

I reached to pick up my burden. "You may leave that here if you wish. You see all these burdens? They are the ones that others have left at My feet. Joan's, Paula's, Debra's, Ruth's..... As I placed my burden with Him, the light began to fade. Yet I heard Him whisper, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

HE is Able

2009-11-04T06:01:00.004-06:00

He promised He wouldn't put upon us,

More than we could bear.

But it's so easy for worries to pile up

Until we're so filled with care.

Yet I know that He is able,

To take our worries and make them small.

So no matter what things we fear,

He can take care of them all.

All we do is trust in Him.

He always knows what's best.

Let Him lead and we will see,

He will pass us through each test.

Lord, just now my faith does falter.

I don't know what lies ahead.

But I know that you will be there.

You will do just what You said.

So hold me up when I stumble.

Give me strength when I would fall.

I know Your grace will be sufficient

When upon Your name I call.

My heart is filled with love for You.

I want to serve You every day.

Help me to do what You want me to

I want to please You in every way!

2009-11-04T06:01:00.003-06:00

The will of God will never take you,

Where the Grace of God cannot keep you,

Where the Arms of God cannot support you,

Where the Riches of God cannot supply your needs,

Where the Power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,

Where the Wisdom of God cannot teach you,

Where the Army of God cannot protect you,

Where the Hands of God cannot mold you.

The Will of God will never take you,

Where the Love of God cannot enfold you,

Where the Mercies of God cannot sustain you,

Where the Peace of God cannot calm your fears,

Where the Authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the Comfort of God cannot dry your tears,

Where the Word of God cannot feed you,

Where the Miracles of God cannot be done for you,

Where the Omnipresence of God cannot find you.

**Everything happens for a purpose.We may not see the wisdom of it all now, but trust and believe inThe Lord that everything is for the best.**

Romans 8:28 (NRSV) "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose."

2009-11-04T06:01:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I felt sorry for myself. I even took it out on my friends. I can't tell you how ashamed I am, how sorry I am. I was giving Daniel a hard time (as usual) about how 8th grade should be allowed to go on this trip high school is taking. I got a little amped up, and probably shouldn't have taken it as far as I did. Then a couple more people got involved. Including Taylor. I regret how I treated Taylor in that conversation. And because of the way I was acting, she had to use close to the same behavior to snap me out of it. It took a while, but I finally saw how stupid I was being. Finally saw how hurtful I was being. I don't like hurting people.

As most of you know, I'm in 8th grade. That means I'm not quite there to being involved with high school activities. And sometimes I overreact. I know that my time will come. But haven't you ever wished that that time would come faster? I do. Daily.

Now, a lot of people, and even more lately, have said that when the seniors go I'm going to have to step up. That scares me. I'll only be in 9th grade. I'll be at the bottom of high school. And I'll be leading? I want to, but often find myself asking can I? Am I able to be a leader? Will I be a good leader? Will people take me as their leader? Will I be able to fill the shoes of those that came before me? Because let me tell you, those are some mighty big shoes to fill!

But I pray that if it is God's will to have me lead, I will. I will go in scared and trembling, but I will. I will do anything for my God. That's the key. Yesterday, I wasn't listening to God. I was blocking him out. But one spark starts an unquenchable flame. That will be us. An unquenchable flame, that will grow into a fire, then a forest fire, then so on. We will just grow bigger and bigger and bigger.

So to you who I was mean, rude, or hurtful in anyway, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I let the devil get a foothold, and he took advantage and so did I. I didn't want you to take my feeling sorry for myself away. Now that's what I'm going to do. I love you all, so so very much.

In Christ,
Ashlie

P.S. What are we here for?!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

2009-10-31T16:17:00.000-05:00

This is my battlecry according to some website:

Striding over the icy wasteland, brandishing a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Ashlie! And she gives a spectacular grunt:

"This one's for you, mom! I tear into the enemy with God on my side!"

What Is Your Battle Cry?

2009-10-30T05:55:00.001-05:00

"But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you." John 14:26

Jesus called the Holy Spirit "the Comforter."

Whenever peace enters your heart in the midst of grief...

Whenever joy enters your heart in the midst of a trial...

Whenever you see evidence of His life in yours...

you can be sure the Holy Spirit is flowing through your life.

Can He forget you? Never. The seal of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, is on your life if you are His child. Whenever you pass through a room or walk through a crowd, His oil of gladness sends a sweet aroma of Christ through the air!

Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-5. How can you show the comfort of Christ to someone who is hurting?

2009-10-23T05:53:00.002-05:00

A woman arrived at heaven's gate and met Jesus face to face. As he reviewed her life with her, she could see every event just as clearly as if it were happening right then and there. Looking at a time in her life filled with sorrow, she asked him a question that had long been on her heart:

"Lord, look at my time of greatest trouble. I prayed and prayed but I heard no word from you. I would have despaired had it not been for all the people who helped me: the friends who listened and consoled, who brought me food and understanding, who cried with me and stood by me, and my family (in my case, church family) who gave me a reason to go on living. But why did you abandon me? Why didn't you help me?"

"My child," Jesus answered, "Why didn't you recognize me?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I need my friends. That's not a question. God is shone through them everyday. I know where I would be without them, and I'm not proud. Even with them I'm not proud of where I am. But I AM trying. That's not a question either. I am trying. She just doesn't see it. I want her to, but she covers her eyes.

I always pray before I go to bed. Last night a prayed/sung/cried myself to sleep. God is so good. No, He is Great, with a capital G.

Last night, while writing down my feelings, I was writing, "daily I need them" and wrote "daily I need Him"! I do know the truth, and last night I realized it.

I realized that I haven't been where I should be, not even close. and I pray that if you haven't either, that you pray too. The Power of Prayer is beyond my knowledge, my wisdom. Its complicated, when you make to be, But God makes it simple.

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. (Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name)

Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. (Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven)

Give us this day our daily bread. (Give us today our daily bread)

And forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive those who trespass against us. (Forgive us our sins,as we forgive those who sin against us.)

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. (Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.)

For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. (For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours. Now and for ever. )

Amen (Amen)"

Matthew 6:9-13

It's really that simple. I can recite the Lord's Prayer at anytime. I can tell you what it means to me, almost in every word (If you have a Facebook, I have a note, doing just that). But if you're struggling. I understand. If you're in pain, I understand. But I need YOU to understand that you need God, because at the end of tthe day, He's the last One standing.

So go to Him in prayer. And/or ask me for your prayers. I won't forget you. And don't be scared, I don't bite. I'm only 13 :)

Love you guys lots!!! I'm praying for all who are reading this! Know that!!!

In Christ,

Ashlie

My Baseball Cap

2009-10-10T08:49:00.005-05:00

As the world goes spinning 'round

They pull me slowly into their trap

I scream and shake as I am bound

They even took my baseball cap

~~~

I look into the white of their eyes

All I see is me

I tell myself that it's all lies

That I didn't even hurt my knee

~~~

But as I look deeper in

I see my inner self

I'm all entangled in sin

If only I were an elf

~~~

But He didn't come for elvenkind

He came for man

For we are blind

Now see you, I can! (Said in Yoda voice) :D hehe

~~~

I am a target

For I love Christ

And that I won't forget

For He has spice!!

:D hehe

A Distant Land

2009-10-10T08:39:00.004-05:00

When I say your name
I try to smile
But I cry all the same
For the distance is many miles

I ask myself, why?
Why'd you have to leave?
That's why I cry
I just can't believe

But life won't end
You are gone
Because God pressed send
As He does daily at dawn

Now as you can see
We miss you so much
But it's not about me
It's about Jesus!

So we send you off
To a distant land
But we won't even scoff
When we see two footprints in the sand

We say goodbye
And I lift up my head
For God doesn't lie
He IS truth instead

So remember God's love
And He will give you
The peace of a dove
And maybe joy too

Whatever you need
We're here to stay
Planting the seed
Of the One and Only Way

Jesus came to serve
That shall be done
Don't get on His nerve
For He is God's son

We love you a lot
Too much to describe
We are the dot
And He is outside time

So hand Him your crayon
And watch Him draw
It's not a con
Just go ask your ma

Death By Scrabble

2009-10-03T14:22:00.003-05:00

It's a hot day and I hate my wife.

We're playing Scrabble. That's how bad it is. I'm 42 years old, it's a blistering hot Sunday afternoon and all I can think of to do with my life is to play Scrabble.

I should be out, doing exercise, spending money, meeting people. I don't think I've spoken to anyone except my wife since Thursday morning. On Thursday morning I spoke to the milkman.

My letters are crap.

I play, appropriately, BEGIN. With the N on the little pink star. Twenty-two points.

I watch my wife's smug expression as she rearranges her letters. Clack, clack, clack. I hate her. If she wasn't around, I'd be doing something interesting right now. I'd be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I'd be starring in the latest Hollywood blockbuster. I'd be sailing the Vendee Globe on a 60-foot clipper called the New Horizons - I don't know, but I'd be doing something.

She plays JINXED, with the J on a double-letter score. 30 points. She's beating me already. Maybe I should kill her.

If only I had a D, then I could play MURDER. That would be a sign. That would be permission.

I start chewing on my U. It's a bad habit, I know. All the letters are frayed. I play WARMER for 22 points, mainly so I can keep chewing on my U.

As I'm picking new letters from the bag, I find myself thinking - the letters will tell me what to do. If they spell out KILL, or STAB, or her name, or anything, I'll do it right now. I'll finish her off.

My rack spells MIHZPA. Plus the U in my mouth. Damn.

The heat of the sun is pushing at me through the window. I can hear buzzing insects outside. I hope they're not bees. My cousin Harold swallowed a bee when he was nine, his throat swelled up and he died. I hope that if they are bees, they fly into my wife's throat.

She plays SWEATIER, using all her letters. 24 points plus a 50 point bonus. If it wasn't too hot to move I would strangle her right now.

I am getting sweatier. It needs to rain, to clear the air. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I find a good word. HUMID on a double-word score, using the D of JINXED. The U makes a little splash of saliva when I put it down. Another 22 points. I hope she has lousy letters.

She tells me she has lousy letters. For some reason, I hate her more.

She plays FAN, with the F on a double-letter, and gets up to fill the kettle and turn on the air conditioning.

It's the hottest day for ten years and my wife is turning on the kettle. This is why I hate my wife. I play ZAPS, with the Z doubled, and she gets a static shock off the air conditioning unit. I find this remarkably satisfying.

She sits back down with a heavy sigh and starts fiddling with her letters again. Clack clack. Clack clack. I feel a terrible rage build up inside me. Some inner poison slowly spreading through my limbs, and when it gets to my fingertips I am going to jump out of my chair, spilling the Scrabble tiles over the floor, and I am going to start hitting her again and again and again.

The rage gets to my fingertips and passes. My heart is beating. I'm sweating. I think my face actually twitches. Then I sigh, deeply, and sit back into my chair. The kettle starts whistling. As the whistle builds it makes me feel hotter.

She plays READY on a double-word for 18 points, then goes to pour herself a cup of tea. No I do not want one.

I steal a blank tile from the letter bag when she's not looking, and throw back a V from my rack. She gives me a suspicious look. She sits back down with her cup of tea, making a cup-ring on the table, as I play an 8-letter word: CHEATING, using the A of READY. 64 points, including the 50-point bonus, which means I'm beating her now.

She asks me if I cheated.

I really, really hate her.

She plays IGNORE on the triple-word for 21 points. The score is 153 to her, 155 to me.

The steam rising from her cup of tea makes me feel hotter. I try to make murderous words with the letters on my rack, but the best I can do is SLEEP.

My wife sleeps all the time. She slept through an argument our next-door neighbours had that resulted in a broken door, a smashed TV and a Teletubby Lala doll with all the stuffing coming out. And then she bitched at me for being moody the next day from lack of sleep.

If only there was some way for me to get rid of her.

I spot a chance to use all my letters. EXPLODES, using the X of JINXED. 72 points. That'll show her.

As I put the last letter down, there is a deafening bang and the air conditioning unit fails.

My heart is racing, but not from the shock of the bang. I don't believe it - but it can't be a coincidence. The letters made it happen. I played the word EXPLODES, and it happened - the air conditioning unit exploded. And before, I played the word CHEATING when I cheated. And ZAP when my wife got the electric shock. The words are coming true. The letters are choosing their future. The whole game is - JINXED.

My wife plays SIGN, with the N on a triple-letter, for 10 points.

I have to test this.

I have to play something and see if it happens. Something unlikely, to prove that the letters are making it happen. My rack is ABQYFWE. That doesn't leave me with a lot of options. I start frantically chewing on the B.

I play FLY, using the L of EXPLODES. I sit back in my chair and close my eyes, waiting for the sensation of rising up from my chair. Waiting to fly.

Stupid. I open my eyes, and there's a fly. An insect, buzzing around above the Scrabble board, surfing the thermals from the tepid cup of tea. That proves nothing. The fly could have been there anyway.

I need to play something unambiguous. Something that cannot be misinterpreted. Something absolute and final. Something terminal. Something murderous.

My wife plays CAUTION, using a blank tile for the N. 18 points.

My rack is AQWEUK, plus the B in my mouth. I am awed by the power of the letters, and frustrated that I cannot wield it. Maybe I should cheat again, and pick out the letters I need to spell SLASH or SLAY.

Then it hits me. The perfect word. A powerful, dangerous, terrible word.

I play QUAKE for 19 points.

I wonder if the strength of the quake will be proportionate to how many points it scored. I can feel the trembling energy of potential in my veins. I am commanding fate. I am manipulating destiny.

My wife plays DEATH for 34 points, just as the room starts to shake. I gasp with surprise and vindication - and the B that I was chewing on gets lodged in my throat. I try to cough. My face goes red, then blue. My throat swells. I draw blood clawing at my neck. The earthquake builds to a climax.

I fall to the floor. My wife just sits there, watching.

Walked Before Us

2009-10-03T09:01:00.004-05:00

"For He hath put all things under His feet. But when He saith all things are put under Him, it is manifest that He is excepted, which did put all things under Him." 1 Corinthians 15:27

God has given us kingdom authority. Jesus said, "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you" (Luke 10:19).

When problems get over your head, remember they are under His feet.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.." (James 1:2-4)

You need not be discouraged when troubles strikes. You will develop perserverance!!! Doesn't that sound awesome?!

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." (James 1:12)

The crown of life, the crown of thorns. This life that Jesus promises us does not come cheap. Not that you have to work for it, but when you accept Jesus into your heart, and He washes away your sin, He tells you to not believe the lie that it will be easy. But He loves you, and you will receive that life, that eternal life with Him.

These hardships have been dealt with before. It is the road your Savior has walked before you. It is the way of the cross, and He has won the victory! WE are part of that victory.

Write down the hardest thing you're having to deal with today. Now, put that paper on the floor. Look down on it. Now you have a glimpse of God's vantage point over the problems in your life.

JESUS!!!

2009-09-27T15:32:00.004-05:00

Jesus. The answer to everything. What are we here for? Jesus. Who are we here for? Jesus. Why are we here? Jesus. How did we get here? Jesus. Where will I go when I die? Jesus. What's your religion? Jesus. Who do I love? Jesus. Who is love? Jesus. Why'd Bobby have to leave? Jesus.

That last question is a doozy. I've asked myself that a lot lately. I've asked God that a lot lately. I've asked others that a lot lately. I know the answer, just don't want to know the question. I don't want Bobby and Melissa to be gone any more than the person sitting next to me on the pew this morning. It hurts. Yes, it does. But you know what? Pain is ok. Pain is what keeps us in check.

James 1:2-4 says,

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

That is one of my favorite verses. There's so much in that two sentences. Bobby's gone. He's not dead though. He just moved. This is life.

I've been asked by many people in the past 36 hours which candidate I liked best. I told them, and I'll tell you, that I honestly don't know. They are all such great people it's hard. If you asked me who I want to have as my youth minister I'd say Bobby. If you put all of these candidates together you couldn't get Bobby. And we have to pick ONE. ONE. The number never scared me more...

I don't know what God has planned for this group. Maybe it's that we are blessed by the new youth minister. Maybe WE are to bless HIM. I don't know. That's God's work, not mine. He'll work through me, and I will do my best to follow that. But don't give me, nor anyone else for that matter, the credit. It's all Him. All these posts on here and Facebook, that's Him talking, not me.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Yet another one of my favorite verses. What is your answer to the questions I asked? If it's not Jesus, than friend, I pray that it will be. God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.

I know God is going to great things. I'm preparing for a crescendo while drawing a line with a circle around it. Mine is just scribbles. but after giving my crayon to Him, He will make it into His original masterpiece.

2009-09-16T06:04:00.001-05:00

"Show us Your mercy, O Lord, and grant us Your salvation." Psalm 85:7

There's a story about a lady who went to a photographer to have her picture made. When she saw it, she didn't like it. So she took it back and told the photographer, "You'll have to take this over." He asked, "What's wrong with it?" She said, "It doesn't do me justice." He looked at it and looked at her and said, "Lady, you don't need justice; what you need is mercy."

God is just, but we need mercy. If you have never come to the place where you have seen yourself as a sinner lost before Almighty God and cried out to Him for mercy, then you've never been saved.

You may have joined a church, but have you thrown yourself on the mercy of the court? Have you said, "Lord God, be merciful to me, a sinner."? (Luke 18:13)

A Life of True Freedom

2009-09-04T06:33:00.000-05:00

"If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed." John 8:36

Living a pure life means surrendering to Jesus Christ. But some people don't want to surrender because they say they want to be free.

What if a train said, "I don't want to run on these tracks, I want to be free."? Then off through the meadow it would go.

What if the kite said, "I want to be free. I don't want to be tied to a string."? The string breaks and down it goes.
What if a tree said, "I don't want to be planted in the earth. I want to be free."? And it is jerked up from the earth and dies.

Everything that is truly free functions best when it functions as God made it. God made you to know Him and to love Him.

Write James 4:8 on a piece of paper. Memorize and apply it truth to your life.

The Shack

2009-08-19T13:19:00.006-05:00

So, if you've read The Shack, you might get something really cool out of this. If you haven't, you need to, but reading this probably won't be as cool, but that's not up to me. Or you. That's up to Him. Papa, if you don't know, is God. God, in this book, is in the form of a black lady. It's quite interesting really. Anyways, Papa has a saying, "I am especially fond of you. " Of course, I liked this quote because she would say this to everyone, she was especially fond of EVERYONE. Then, just Sunday night, I found this verse that matched perfectly with this quote. It amazed me so much I had to tell someone. I happened to be texting Hunter about him leaving my duct tape at Jumpstart, so I told him. He hasn't read The Shack, and he had homework, so I'm not sure if he looked it up or not. Anyways, here is the verse:

Ephesians 2:4-5

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so very much, that even while we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God's special favor you have been saved.)

It seems my bible is different in the parentheses than even the same version, NLT. I like this way of saying it though. It is only by God's special favor that you have been saved. See the connection? When I first read this I read it as a favor, not favor as in favorite. Now none of us are favorites in God's eyes, but he favors each and every one of us. He said that even if he died for only one he still would have done it. That's how much he cares for you.

Are you going to show your tag? Are you going to sing when you are thumped? Are you going to surrender your worldly crowns? Huh? Huh? Are you? Be prepared to. Be prepare to even in the least expectant times.

What's Your Tag Say?

2009-08-16T14:34:00.005-05:00

The title says it all. Ty(the host type person for Jumpstart) had a saying he liked. It was really close to Bobby's saying. He would always say, "What's your tag say?" and we would say, "Jesus", or "The guy(gal) with God(Jesus)." At first it was mostly our group saying Jesus loud because we're used to yelling Jesus randomly. It's because we're insane. Which by the way it good. :) We need to prove what's-his-name's qoute that not believing in evolution means you are stupid, insane, etc. We need to prove that all we care about is Jesus. But we don't have to change the way we act to prove this point. We just need to be us, Christ-ians. Followers of Christ, Fishers of men.

Sometimes our tag doesn't show. Sometimes you try to take it out but it goes back in. Sometimes people notice it but don't say anything. Sometimes people don't notice it, which leaves you asking, does anyone care? David does. He gave me a hug. :) (This is what happened to me in the example). Sometimes the tag is too short to stay out and we need to grow it. Sometimes other things cover up our tag, like as in the tag on your shirt(for the example purposes) your hair, or even just your shirt. Sometimes you don't even have a tag. Its printed on and you cant get rid of it. The only thing that can is Jesus. All these things are true in our lives.

David Fraze talked about smells. In Roman culture the defeated army would walk behind the victorious soldiers in a parade. There would be incense and such which would make it smell good. To the victorious army this was the smell of life, of victory. But to the defeated army it was the smell of death because they were often killed in these parades. Read this passage and think it over:

2 Corinthians 2:14-17

¹⁴But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. ¹⁵For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. ¹⁶To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? ¹⁷Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God.

We need to give off the smell of life. To some it might seem like its the smell of death. Like with the upcoming 6th graders, they might not connect with us, but as long as we keep on loving them maybe we'll make an impact. With the new youth minister, if we love him as we loved Bobby he'll be blessed! Maybe we won't connect with him as much. Maybe his purpose isn't to bless us and change us, maybe it's our purpose to bless and change him! Either way praise God!

I asked God to do something powerful this weekend, and guess what! He did! I mean not only were we able to hear the speakers and hang out with each other, but we were able to listen to some last words by Curtis, who some of the material in this post is his, and Addy was baptised! She definately looked a lot braver than me! It was Daniel's first baptism and he did great!

Of course, I have yet another blessing about this weekend. During our Memorial Devo Saturday night we were just discussing things that came to mind after Curtis' mini sermon. Karen Sue said something that just really grabbed me because it was something I did. She said when she first came into the youth group she was scared. She thought we didn't love her. She would stay up all night crying saying, "They don't love, they don't love me." It was Satan at work. But something changed about, oh, I'd say a month ago. I asked her to be in the Set Me Free skit. When doing this I didn't think, "Oh, this will change Karen's life." But isn't that exactly how God works? He solves the problem in the way we least expect it.

Another point that Curtis had was this, that if our tag is Jesus, and God is love(1 John 4:16) then our tag should also be love. We need to love people, because even if they don't show it you might be making an impact. With the 6th graders, soon parents might come up to you and thank you for being a friend at the least expected time. Even offering to do something, like going to see a movie, can make an impact, even if you don't end up going.

Some Really Cool Quotes

2009-08-13T13:10:00.003-05:00

Never underestimate yourself or what God can do in your life because remember professionals built the titanic, but amateurs build the ark!

Prayer without faith is only wishful thinking.

No pit is so deep, that God's love is not deeper still.

The winning horse doesn't know why it runs a race.
It runs because of the whip and pain.
Life is a race; just so, if we are in pain, then clearly...
God wants us to win.

Only GOD can turn MESS into... a MESSage
a TEST into... a TESTimony
a TRIal into... a TRIumph
a VICTim into... a VICTory
GOD is GOOD... all the time.

GOD gave you roses and then you ask, "Why are there no thorns?"
God would just smile and show His bleeding hands
saying... "I took them away, to save you from pain."

I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.

Crying is not a sin; it is one way of showing you really care.

Walking with God is never boring. It may not be easy, but never boring!

FOCUSED = Faithfully On Christ's Unfailing Side Every Day

God does not prepare a place for us
Until he’s prepared us for the place.

Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil- it has no point.

If you asked me if I'm a leader or a follower, I would tell you I'm both because I follow God by leading others to him.

Don't GIVE up... LOOK up.

God is like ASPIRIN - He works miracles.

God is like a FORD. He's got a better idea.

God is like COKE. He's the real thing.

God is like HALLMARK CARDS. He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like SHOUT. He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like GENERAL ELECTRIC. He brings good things to life.

God is like WAL-MART. He has everything.

God is like ALKA-SELTZER. Try him, you'll like Him.

God is like SCOTCH TAPE. You can't see him, but you know He's there.

God is like DELTA. He's ready when you are.

God is like ALLSTATE. You're in good hands with Him.

God is like VO-5 Hair Spray. He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like DIAL SOAP. Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?

God is like the POST OFFICE. Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination

Prayer is asking for rain and faith is carrying an umbrella

STRESS: Satan's Trap Reaps Emotional Satanic Syndrome

JESUS = JEHOVAH'S EVERLASTING SPIRIT UNCHANGEABLE SON

Need to take another step further, on your walk with Jesus?
There's Plenty of Stairs in the Bible

Need to get high enough to be able to see Jesus in Heaven?
The Elevator of Prayer will take you there faster than you think

You are in one of two groups: Either you are a Christian, or God is now calling you to be one.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

BIBLE = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

GRACE = God's Riches At Christ's Expense

GOSPEL = God's Only Son Provided Eternal Life

B ecause
E mannual
L ives
I
E xpect
V ictory
E verytime

Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?

Some people say they would want to live right next to a church where there's laughter and happiness, but I would rather live two miles from Hell on the rescue team.

I searched all over for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and found it at the foot of the cross.

You can see God through a spiritual Window...the more you sin, the dirtier it gets, but the more you do God's will, the clearer the window becomes, and the more you can see God at work in your life

When you feel like you are about to have a break-down, that's because the Devil knows you are going to have a break-through.

It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

For God so loVed the world,
That He gAve
His onLy
BegottEn
SoN
That whosoever
Believeth In Him
Should Not perish,
But have Everlasting life."
John 3:16

If you give the devil an inch, he will become the ruler.

"The Worker's 23rd Psalm"

2009-08-11T08:41:00.001-05:00

The Lord is my boss, and I shall not want.

He gives me peace, when chaos is all around me.

He reminds me to pray, before I speak in anger.

He restores my sanity.

He guides my decisions that I might honor Him in all I do.

Even though I face absurd amounts of e-mail, system failures, copier jams, back-ordered supplies, unrealistic deadlines, staff shortages, budget cutbacks, red tape, downsizing, gossiping co-workers and whining customers,

I won't give up, for You are with me.

Your presence, peace and power will see me through.

You raise me up, even when the boss fails to promote me.

You claim me as your own, even when the company threatens to let me go.

Your loyalty and love are better than a bonus check.

Your retirement plan beats any 401K, and when it's all said and done,

I'll be working for you a whole lot longer!

Hmm...

2009-08-09T14:24:00.005-05:00

Ephesians 2:1-10
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Philippians 2:5-18

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

Romans 12:1-2
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Guys, do you get my theme here? I know that's a lot to read, but it's worth it! When we ask, "What are we here for?" and then we say, "Jesus!" That is just a very simplified part of why we are here! In fact, we are here for God's will, and His will was to save us while we were down, which is exactly what Jesus did! He didn't wait for us to surrender our worldly crowns and THEN die for us, He did it, not knowing whether or not we would believe in Him. He thought of it as a concept not to be grasped! He told God, I don't want to know when I'm coming back, or what will happen once I die, I'm just going to trust You.

Crowns don’t always come with rubies and diamonds on them as we imagine. The crown of the world looks so nice and comfortable and just plain awesome! But it's not! Don't let the goggles crowd out the vision that the Almighty God has given you. Christ wore a crown of thorns. THORNS. Imagine that. The crown of life(James 1:12) comes with a price. Though it hurts Him more than us, in our weaknesses, it seems like a lot. But God works in our weaknesses, making them His strengths! How encouraging is that!

I have but one question. Are you going to thud or sing? Together we can harmonize!

He is the Potter We are the Clay

2009-07-29T20:12:00.003-05:00

Isaiah 64:8 says that God is the Potter and we are the clay. You know how a potter checks the solidity of a pot made out of clay? He thumps it. If its ready, it "sings". If it's not, it "thuds", and he puts it back in the kiln. It's the same with the character of a person. A thump is a flat tire, a grumpy mom, a broken alarm clock, a "you got to be kidding me" deadline. Are you going too thud or sing? When we come across thumps that aren't big enough to be a crisis we sing. But when come across a lot of these, we thud hard without even giving it a thought! Jesus tells us to sing, and sing with all our hearts! We need to show that in these trials our faith is tested(James 1:2-4) and that we become perfect at the end, which I've only heard of one person who's made it to the end, Jesus. But we need to endure these trial and errors. What the Devil uses for evil, is all part of God's plan!

He is the potter, we are the clay. Are you going to thud or sing? Together we can harmonize!

Wow

2009-07-26T07:30:00.002-05:00

Camp this past week was awesome. It was obvious how God worked through it in my life, and others'. Kelsey Dean got baptised. She didn't tell anyone about it, we didn't find out 'till later, but that's ok, it still counts. :) The "emo devo" was very encouraging. I was able to help someone out, and others helped me out as well! Taylor told me happy Birthday like 70 million times, I thought that as silly at first, but thinking back it was a blessing! If you don't know, Friday was my spiritual Birthday. I'm 1 now! I wanted to be with Bobby on Friday, but that was obviously not God's plan. Hopefully though, I will see him soon enough! Love you Bobby and Melissa!

But my getting hurt curse continues, thank God it wasn't my knee! I was playing ultimate frisbee barefoot on hot dry grass. Ended up getting a huge blood blister on one foot, and a huge regular blister on the other. Then I had to walk up the massive hill barefoot, eventually leading to very sharp rocks. I did not like this part. Then Lindsay gave me a piggy back ride to the nurse's cabin, where I spilled my root beer, then got soaked in the shower trying to clean my feet. I am so clumsy! They are doing better now, but I won't let Evelyn(one of our counselors) near my feet again! She was in charge of lancing the blisters, and she did it multiple times when she didn't have to. This was bad enough, but the next morning she had to do it again on one foot because it scabbed up. She went in side-ways so it wouldn't hurt, but that wasn't getting a big enough hole. So I'm on my stomach, feet up in the air, and she stabbed my feet so hard I had to hold my breath to keep from screaming! And she did it twice! Never again... That's kinda been our joke all week though.

I thank all of the people who helped me out these past 2 months or so. There have been ups and downs, but they've all felt like ups thanks to my friends, or should I say family. 'Cause that's what you guys are, is family. I hope that everyone has a good week! May the Lord be shown through you!

2009-06-25T14:08:00.001-05:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Our Group, Our Family

2009-06-21T16:58:00.003-05:00

I don't know about you, but I love, absolutely LOVE our youth group, our church, our family. Yesterday the teens 8th grade and higher got back from the mission trip. From what I could tell, they had a very encouraging time and worked VERY hard CONSTANTLY! I still wish I could have gone, but like many have said, there must have been a reason for me staying behind. It's all part of God's plan.

On Wednesday night, we had 9 people show up for class(teens). We watched a NOOMA video, and then answered questions. I commented on Cindy's comment. It went a little something like this...

Say you have some goggles. And these goggles make everything upside-down. If you put these on, then eventually your brain will adapt and that will become the new normal, but at first it comes as a shock, and you can barely stand straight. But after you adapt to it and it becomes the new normal, if you take off the goggles then it starts all over again. You get that shock, but again your brain will adapt. It's the same with views and morals and such. At a VERY young age we get flooded with media that says we have to be skinny and wear lots of make-up, etc. That's the goggles! And eventually we don't see it as wrong, it's just the way it goes. But when you are introduced to Christ and His teaching, then you take the goggles off. At first, it seems hard, but when your relationship grows with Him, it becomes the new normal. We have to keep ourselves from putting the goggles back on. The world tries to make them look good and pleasurable, but they're not! They actually bring you to sin and then to death! Don't put them back on, it's like ear wax in your ear, it's not good and will build-up 'till you can't hear anything anymore.

The thing about this youth group, is that I don't see that like ever! There are rarely any goggles on, and if there are, we help them take them off! One of the things that I agree with Cindy with, is that this youth group also isn't afraid of sharing! And because of that sharing, we can see the goggles before it's too late! If we have troubles, then we help each other out! We aren't LIKE family, we ARE family.

Anyways, whoever reads this that went on the mission trip, I want to hear all about it! Don't be afraid I'll get mad! I want to hear about it so bad! Anyways, hope you have a good Father's Day!

Ecclesiastes 3:15

2009-06-10T15:34:00.005-05:00

Ecclesiastes 3:15:
Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.

Taylor brought this up. In my post before this, I kept on saying it's GOING to be ok. BUT, according to this verse, it IS ok. It's not GOING to happen, it's HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, AND IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED. This group is already ok. And we forever and always will be. Just wanted to clarify that.

2009-06-08T15:07:00.001-05:00

So today Bobby left. Yesterday during service, we (the church) surrounded him while singing. Some cried, but I didn’t. I think it’s because I didn’t want to believe he was going in less than 24 hours. I had known that the day would come for about a month. Yet, I didn’t want to believe it.

That night (last night), we had a devo, our last one with Bobby. It started at five and I left at about 8:30, but others stayed later (I wanted to but my dad wouldn’t let me). We sang first, many fun songs, some more praise-like songs. Then Bobby talked, Jason talked, Rhonda talked, many people talked. Then Taylor had a slideshow. First the sound wouldn’t work, so we had to listen out of Taylor’s laptop. The slideshow was great! It made me want to cry, but it was great. Then, we sang about 10 more songs before eating cake.

After eating, we were just talking and I decided I was going to duct-tape Bobby to the couch. I got Addy Sanchez to do it with me, but Megan started screaming Bobby’s name so he saw us and jumped up. Therefore, that plan didn’t work, but there’s always next time (whenever that is…). Then I was leaving and still didn’t have a ride to Bobby’s house for in the morning. So I asked David and he could pick me up.

So that morning (this morning) I was picked up at about 15 after 7, which we were supposed to be at his house at seven, so we were about half an hour late. Nevertheless, we helped get stuff in the u-haul truck and then prayed. As we prayed, we held each other in our arms, I don’t about the other kids, but I felt loved at that point. VERY loved. But I also loved, specifically Bobby & Melissa, but the other people too. After praying we each took a turn giving Bobby and Melissa very long hugs. Bobby told me to keep on reading (he meant the Bible because I read almost every day for a very long time, like 3 hours), and some other things I didn’t hear/understand because he was crying, and others were crying. That’s when I started to cry.

Bobby got in the u-haul, and just broke down crying. He made himself shut the door, put the key in the ignition, start it, and push on the gas. He left, while we had a big line of people holding each other in their arms crying, or some weeping.

We had another prayer, but this time done by Lindsay, who, as I’ve said many times before is so amazing and I just want to thank her for the encouraging prayer that I know was from her heart. With all our faces tear stained and still crying, we hugged, because that’s the biggest thing you can do in this kind of situation is give someone a hug. I hugged Taylor for like five minutes, only letting go because someone said something funny and I laughed.

I looked into Lindsay’s eyes. Both deep down, and on the surface, I saw great sorrow, yet great comfort. She looked into me eyes, and I somehow felt, well, joyful is all I can say. It hit me right then, even though I had known it all along, just not accepted it, it was going to be ok. IT WAS GOING TO BE OK. Who would think that in a million years other than our group?

Bobby if you read this, I love you. In the words of the wise and faithful Lindsay, you are not dead. A big thing that brings me comfort is that we are all going to die in a maximum of like 100 years right?(though I don’t want to live that long J) And just as it will be in heaven, it shall be on earth, in this way. That we may focus on God and ONLY GOD. When we get to heaven, there will be no tears, but in the words of Gandalf, “I will not tell you, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.” And, yes, I just quoted Lord of the Rings. See? Even in non-spiritual things, you have influenced me so greatly.

And Melissa, I can’t think of any words to say to you. And I’m not saying that I have nothing to say, I have TOO MUCH to say. Like the song Listen to My Heart, if words could fall like rain from my mouth for a thousand years I would still run out of time. You are an awesome woman; a woman who I can tell has a passion for God, and shows that every time I see you. I will miss you both so much, but I know God has something up His sleeve (if he has sleeves). J

Just keep on doing what you’re doing, but this time don’t leave the church you’re at. :D No, I’m kidding, but I know that this church is blessed to have such a wonderful family coming to be with them. I thank God every day for allowing me to spend this time that I had with you, even if I wanted more time. Therefore, today, I promise that everything you’ve taught me, whether spiritual, non-spiritual, intended or not intended, that I will try my best to follow those things.

HOWEVER, I will not be alone; I will be with my God, and my Savior Jesus. They will work in me, in you, in Mt. Carmel COC, in Memorial, in this youth group. And I will also hve the youth group for guidance and strength, as we go through this together, not to mention you. And as someone said last night, you, both of you, will always be the youth minister(Melissa, you do so much you might as well be the youth minister too! J). Well, I love you guys, and plan to see you many times this summer, and this fall, and this winter, and this spring, and next summer…You get the point! Love you guys!

Well, to everyone else, specifically the ones who are also going through this, it’s going to be ok. As I said to someone, (I will keep them anonymous) it’s going to be PERFECT! Just as long as we stick together, and stick with God, it will be the most spiritual summer yet, even after this past year or so.

As most should know, Bobby baptized me. At camp. Therefore, as you can imagine, camp is going to be hard. HOWEVER, anyone who doesn’t go to the James Study, and even the ones who do, go to chapter one. Verses 2-4 and verse 12 are very important. God allows these things to happen to us so that he knows if we really are faithful. And we should find joy in this! And then, verse 12, “God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life God has promised to those who love him.” The crown of life is eternal life with our savior.

I just now thought of this, but crowns don’t always come with rubies and diamonds on them as we imagine. Christ wore a crown of thorns. THORNS. Imagine that. The crown of life comes with a price. Though it hurts Him more than us, in our weaknesses, it seems like a lot. We are persecuted for our beliefs. One day at school, someone called me a “Jesus Freak”. You know what I said back? I said, “Thank you, I’m very proud of it!”

And sometimes, this pain we have to go through is not necessarily physical, nor spiritual. Sometimes it’s emotional, like Bobby leaving. I encourage anyone who is going through this, leave a comment, with praise for our God, a prayer, a prayer request, anything. But for those who aren’t going through this, but know someone who is, help them through it. Sometimes it takes a person hugging you and telling you it’s going to be all right for them to realize it. In addition, if pain hasn’t really happened to you yet, it will, and when it does, be prepared. Ask God for wisdom as it also says in James.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5

In this particular situation, Bobby and Melissa’s path is straight, just not parallel with ours, our paths just crossed for a pretty short amount of time (5 years, for some, longer [for me about a year in a half, about 10 months of pure relationship]). I love you guys!

“What are we here for?” -Bobby

“Jesus” -Anyone who answers in the youth group, including me

“Cool, just wanted to make sure you know. (Or “remind you” on some occasions)

-Bobby

Bobby...

2009-05-24T16:13:00.002-05:00

As most at Memorial know, Bobby is leaving. I don't like the leaving part, but I admire Bobby that he is following God. God is so good to me. He prepared me for this. I found out a couple weeks ago Tuesday. That morning I had read Acts. I read chapter 22, and really liked it(the whole thing is practically high-lighted). That night Bobby told us. I started to cry, Bobby started to cry, everyone started to cry. Then Bobby explained and went to Acts 22. I raised my hand. He called on me. I said in tears,"I think God was trying to prepare me today, I read this this morning, and thought there was something special about it." Bobby answered in tears, "I prayed that would happen..."

This is really hard on us. I won't pretend it isn't. BUT, as Gandalf says, "I will not tell you, 'Do not weep', for not all tears are evil." Yes, we are not happy, but as Bobby said on the advance, you can have joy, and not be happy. We find joy that Bobby has so much faith in our Lord, that he would obey Him even when he doesn't want to. Bobby himself says he doesn't want to.

Bobby, Melissa, and the kids are moving to Mt. Carmel, Illinois. That is an 8 1/2 hour drive. Even though that's long, you can bet that we will visit many times this summer! Man, if I could drive and I had money for gas I'd be up there all the time! But, we have to let go, and let God.

I am kinda jealous of the church of Mt. Carmel. They get to have this wonderful guy that is going to teach them. But, I know that whoever replaces Bobby will replace him as our youth minister, but will NEVER replace him as my father, brother, best friend, and guy who baptised me! And we will not shun the new guy out of our hearts! That is the last thing God, let alone Bobby wants us to do! I'm sure the new guy will be different, 'cause nobody's like Bobby, but change is good! God will use this man, this change, this non-Bobbyness for the good of the will of his plan! He see sees all things!

The biggest thing that gives me joy, is when I die, when Bobby dies, we will live together in heaven forever with no worries! Hakuna Matata! Matthew 6 talks about not worrying, and I don't intend to! Love you Bobby, Can't wait to spend these final 2 weeks with you!

ISWW

2009-03-29T15:05:00.003-05:00

Workshop this year was amazing! I didn't get to go much Thursday and Friday, but i hear they had good classes. The praising to our Lord was awesome! The preaching about our Lord was awesome! Our Lord was and is awesome! Saturday i heard Partick Mead(really Patrick Mead, but the sign said Partick) He was really good, AND FUNNY! We were laughing the whole time, our youth group people were the most lively there, it was sad. We had fun, and for the rest of the day i was with Hannah Yeats, who, is awesome and fun to be around! Love u Hannah! She bought me a t- shirt that i haven't paid her back for yet, but, I'm very thankful. Over all, Workshop was great and i can't wait for next year!

If God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are all one, why is God the only one who knows when Christ will return?

2009-02-08T14:00:00.005-06:00

On Wednesday, Bobby asked the question, "If God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are one, how is it that God is the only one who knows when Christ will return?" We went through a series of verses, but one really connected to bobby, and when he told us, it all seemed to connect. In Philippians 1:5-11 it says this:

"5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

6Who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

7but made himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

8And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

and became obedient to death—

even death on a cross!

9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

This means, that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are one, but Jesus decided that God was so much better, and he humbled himself. He considered equality with God something not to be grasped. He didn't just lay down his life and pick it up again, he laid down his position as being equal to God.

And because of this, God put him at the highest of all highs, that every tongue confess his name, and every knee shall bow at the name of our precious, humble Lord Jesus Christ!

This really hit me hard. I always thought, oh well, he was God, so the dieing thing wasn't that bad. But it was that bad. He humbled himself, and made himself human. He said, I don't want to know when I'm coming back, that's for you to know, and for me to find out when the time is ready. The really weird thing is, is that God is time, so he has been through the rapture and the end times many times. This just amazes me! He still wants it to happen again, just for us so that we may live with him for eternity.

About Me

2009-01-10T16:39:00.005-06:00

My name is ashlie. I am a very strong follower of Christ. I am a member of Memorial Drive Church of Christ. I am in the youth group and love it! I was baptised on July 24, 2008 at Burnt Cabin Church Camp by my youth minister, Bobby. I recieved the Holy spirit that day on my heart and have kept him close ever since. I am madly in love with Christ and my love for him is growing by the second. I am glad that i made the decision to accept Christ that day, and I am looking foward to seeing him in heaven one day. I am also looking foward to blogging and saying my thoughts on various things i find in the bible and in the world. I have a dog named Bear and a cat named max. I have a brother, Spencer.

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'Cause At Camp Barnabas You Know It's Alright...

Perfect by Simple Plan

No Matter What

Fighting To Survive

Desperate....

Quote on Quote...on Quote.

Best Of Me by The Letter Black

Just A Little Longer

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

Wonderful World by James Morrison

Nothing To HIde by Ruth

New Name - αμπέλου

Faith, Hope, And Potatoes

These Things Take Time by Sanctus Real

Tobymac - Get Back Up

Alive Again

*sigh*

I Know The Feeling by The Classic Crime

The Human Longing

A Future That Would Shatter My Past

I Am The Way by Mark Schultz

Homesick

As Long As It Takes - Dorothy Savage

Pull Me Out by Bebo Norman

Holding On, Or Letting Go?

You Will Face The Same Evil, And You Will Defeat It

Whispers Of Unbelief

Make It So I Don't Cry When I Lose

Stillness Of The Night

It's In The Valleys I Grow

What Faith Can Do

Minty Grape

That Third Tree

"With My Blood"

HE is Able

What Is Your Battle Cry?

My Baseball Cap

A Distant Land

Death By Scrabble

Walked Before Us

JESUS!!!

A Life of True Freedom

The Shack

What's Your Tag Say?

Some Really Cool Quotes

"The Worker's 23rd Psalm"

Hmm...

He is the Potter We are the Clay

Wow

Our Group, Our Family

Ecclesiastes 3:15

Ecclesiastes 3:15: Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.

Taylor brought this up. In my post before this, I kept on saying it's GOING to be ok. BUT, according to this verse, it IS ok. It's not GOING to happen, it's HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, AND IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED. This group is already ok. And we forever and always will be. Just wanted to clarify that.

Bobby...

ISWW

If God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are all one, why is God the only one who knows when Christ will return?

About Me

sigh

Ecclesiastes 3:15:
Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.